BREAKING: James Comey Clears Himself Of All Charges After Rigorous 30-Second Self-Investigation
WASHINGTON-- Only hours after a federal grand jury indicted him on multiple charges, former FBI Director James Comey has concluded a thorough investigation into his own alleged felonies, finding himself…
Keir Starmer Promises Digital ID Will Only Be Used To Track White British Citizens
LONDON, UK - Under the guise of tackling illegal immigration, UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer announced the rollout of mandatory digital ID cards to "revolutionize how we manage identity in…
Dallas ICE Shooter With Terrible Aim Revealed As Stormtrooper
DALLAS. TEXAS-- Only hours after the incident occurred, authorities have confirmed that the gunman responsible for the recent shooting at a Dallas ICE facility was none other than TK-421, a…
Gavin Newsom Forces ICE Agents To Unmask Just Like He Did During His COVID Mask Mandate
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA-- Being hailed by progressives as a critical step toward accountability, California Governor Gavin Newsom signed a bill Tuesday requiring ICE agents to remove their masks while operating in…
Secret Service Agents Suffer PTSD Flashback After Trump Gets Stuck On Sloped Escalator
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- Still suffering from PTSD from last year's slightly sloped roof incident, Secret Service agents tasked with protecting President Donald Trump froze in terror Tuesday after…
Pregnant Liberals Start Snorting Coke After RFK Jr. Claims Cocaine Bad For Unborn Babies
U.S.-- In response to a recent health announcement by RFK Jr., thousands of pregnant liberal women have taken to social media to declare they're intentionally snorting cocaine daily after HHS…
Emmanuel Macron’s Wife Brigitte Provides Photo Evidence Confirming She’s A Woman
PARIS, FRANCE-- In an odd twist to an already contentious slander lawsuit, Brigitte Macron, the wife of French President Emmanuel Macron, has submitted what she calls "conclusive proof" of her…
Mark Carney Honors Notorious Serial Killer For Reducing Canada’s Carbon Footprint
OTTAWA, CANADA-- In a climate change ceremony at Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Mark Carney awarded the Order of Canada to Ted Lee Bateman, the infamous Canadian serial killer convicted of…
U.S. Sends Goat Ambassador To Afghanistan To Woo Taliban Into Returning Bagram Air Base
WASHINGTON-- In a bizarre attempt to reclaim Bagram Air Base from the Taliban, President Donald Trump has dispatched a highly-trained goat named "Lola" as ambassador to Afghanistan in an effort…
Trump Moves Pam Bondi’s Desk To Fox News Studios So Maybe She’ll Actually Do Something
WASHINGTON-- In an attempt to boost the productivity of his top law officer, President Donald Trump ordered the relocation of Attorney General Pam Bondi's entire desk to the Fox News…
Democrats Claim Founding Fathers Were Actually Indian H-1B Workers Who Built America
WASHINGTON-- In a bizarre attempt to justify their stance on immigration, prominent Democrats have launched a campaign claiming that the Founding Fathers of the United States were not, in fact,…
Gavin Newsom Caught Watching Footage Of California Wildfire Destruction To Get In The Mood
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA-- In a revelation that has sent shock and disgust across the Golden State, Governor Gavin Newsom was caught getting himself in the mood for sex by watching a…
