PORTLAND, OREGON– A “No Kings” protester in downtown Portland has clarified that he is not, in fact, getting paid to protest President Donald Trump. When asked why he was holding a “No Kings” sign while wearing a “Free Palestine” t-shirt, he explained, “I’m not paid to protest. I’m compensated to participate in a demonstration not driven by personal beliefs.”
The protester, who wished to remain anonymous but was seen leaving in a large bus with dozens of other protesters, added, “There’s a huge difference. One is a transactional exchange for vocal opposition, and the other is a compensated arrangement to publicly express dissent. See the difference?”
When pressed about the $500 cash he received from a man in a suit earlier that day, he claimed it was “reimbursement for emotional labor.” “Protesting is hard work,” he said. “I had to wake up early, stand in the sun, and pretend to care about something. That’s worth at least $500.”
Another protester nearby, wearing a “No Kings” shirt and holding a “Free Palestine” sign, chimed in, “It’s true. We’re not paid protesters. We’re financially incentivized to rally against a specific issue.”
Critics have accused the “No Kings” movement of being funded by wealthy donors with unclear motives. When confronted about his Venmo history showing frequent payments from “Soros No Kings LLC” with notes like “protest fee” and “sign rental.” the protester denied the allegations and then left to punch out and take his mandatory lunch break.
