NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK– According to sources close to the international counter-terrorism community, a radical Islamic terrorist named Ahmad Al-Rashid has been thwarted in his plans to wreak havoc on Western targets, not by intelligence agencies or law enforcement, but by his own absentmindedness.
The would-be bomber has been leaving daily sticky notes on his refrigerator with the reminder “BOMB THE WEST” for weeks, with these notes going unfulfilled due to the jihadist’s embarrassing forgetfulness.
Ahmad Al-Rashid, a 32-year-old former convenience store clerk, was first flagged by authorities after posting a series of cryptic social media posts about “crushing the infidels,” “death to America,” and “drinking 72 virgin smoothies after I kill as many infidels as possible.”
Each morning, the Muslim extremist wakes up, prays, and then heads to the kitchen to make breakfast. There, he stares blankly at the multiple Post-It sticky notes on the fridge before muttering, “Oh, I almost forgot, bomb the West today!” only to get distracted moments later.
Ahmad Al-Rashid’s family, who live in the apartment below him, reported hearing frequent outbursts of “Oh no, I forgot again!” followed by the sound of crumpling paper, with the terrorist’s mom saying how disappointed she has been in her son for being unable to carry out such a simple task as bombing a building.
“I thought I had raised my son Ahmad better,” said his distraught mother. “Maybe I have failed as a parent when my own son can’t even blow up a few buildings and kill hundreds of innocent people.”
As the weeks turn into months, international counter-terrorism officials are faced with a unique dilemma of whether to intervene or just let Al-Rashid continue his futile reminders until he commits the terrorist act.
“At this point, it’s almost cruel to stop him,” said a CIA operative, shaking his head. “It’s like watching a dog chase its tail. Eventually, he’ll either give up or remember to blow up the building. We’re just waiting so we can use his tragedy as a false flag to take away more American’s freedoms.”
