CNN Issues Apology For Accidentally Reporting A Black-On-White Crime
ATLANTA, GEORGIA - CNN issued an emergency statement late Friday apologizing profusely for "unintentionally" reporting a black-on-white crime earlier that evening. The network's 5 PM broadcast briefly mentioned a 32-year-old…
DC Liberal Outraged After Trump’s Military Crackdown Leaves Her Unmolested For 2nd Month Straight
WASHINGTON - Local resident and self-proclaimed "progressive liberal" Karen Jenkins, 32, expressed her deep frustration yesterday after realizing she had gone a full month without being mugged, assaulted, or even…
RFK Jr. Senate Hearing Abruptly Halted As Elizabeth Warren Awaits Pfizer Payoff
WASHINGTON-- In a shocking display of brazen corruption, today's RFK Jr. Senate hearing on pharmaceutical safety was brought to a sudden standstill when Democrat Senator Elizabeth Warren demanded a recess…
UK Police Arrest Baby For ‘Hate Crime’ After Crying At Immigrant Nurse
LONDON, UK-- In what is being hailed as a landmark victory for diversity and inclusion, a white British newborn baby was taken into custody by police mere hours after birth…
Canada AirBnB-Style ‘Breaking And Entering’ App Launches, Allowing Criminals To Pre-Book Home Invasions
TORONTO, CANADA - In a bizarre move to "de-escalate violence," the Canadian government has rolled out a revolutionary new app called "BreakIn.ca" - essentially an Airbnb for burglars. The platform…
Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson Appoints Notorious Gang Member ‘Lil’ Slim Reaper’ As New Police Chief Amid Record Murder Rates
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS - In a move that has left residents both bewildered and unsurprised, Mayor Brandon Johnson announced today that "Lil' Slim Reaper," a 32-year-old member of the notorious "Bloods…
Zelensky Holds Moment Of Silence For Cocaine Destroyed On Venezuelan Boat Trump Bombed
KIEV, UKRAINE- Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, visibly shaken and clutching a small white baggie, declared a national day of mourning today after learning of the tragic loss of a Venezuelan…
India Retaliates Against Trump’s Tariffs By Flooding White House With Scam Calls
WASHINGTON-- In a shocking escalation of the U.S.-India trade war, India has launched a coordinated cyberattack against President Donald Trump and the White House, flooding their phone lines with an…
Man Who Gave Chinese Spy Classified Information Confident She Was ‘The One’
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA - In a tale of espionage wrapped in a love story, Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-CA) revealed yesterday that he handed over top-secret government documents to Chinese spy…
Bernie Sanders Warns RFK Jr’s Policies Are A Threat To His Big Pharma Donations
WASHINGTON - In a desperate attempt to save his livelihood, Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT) took to the Senate floor today to denounce Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy…
British Police Deploy ‘Flag Sniffer Dogs’ Trained To Detect Citizens Hiding England Flags Inside Their Homes
LONDON, ENGLAND - In a shocking move to combat "hate symbols," the British Police Service has unveiled its latest weapon against xenophobic extremism: "Flag Sniffer Dogs" trained to detect the…
Gavin Newsom Brags He’s Liberated Californians From The Burden Of Wealth
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA-- In a stunning display of self-congratulation, California Governor Gavin Newsom proudly announced that his administration has successfully relieved the state’s residents of the "crushing weight of wealth." The…
