Gavin Newsom Arrested For Flinging His Own Panties At Federal Officer In Powerful Protest
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA-- In a powerful protest against President Donald Trump's tough immigration policies, California Governor Gavin Newsom was arrested yesterday on felony charges after allegedly hurling a pair of…
Zelensky Caught Spying On Trump-Putin Alaska Summit Disguised As Table Lamp
ANCHORAGE, ALASKA-- During a top-secret summit meeting between President Donald Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky was caught trying to infiltrate the meeting by disguising himself…
Dog Tests Positive For Rabies After Being Bitten By Rabid Dr. Fauci
WASHINGTON-- A wave of stunned silence and panicked barks swept across the nation today as a beloved beagle dog named Charlie was confirmed to have tested positive for rabies following…
Friedrich Merz Reports Wallet Missing After Emotional Hug With Zelensky
BERLIN, GERMANY-- During today's high-profile meeting with European leaders in Germany, German Chancellor Friedrich Merz reported his wallet missing after a seemingly emotional hug with Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky, leading…
UK Government Denies Human Rights Abuses, Citing ‘Citizens Not Considered Human’
LONDON-- In a stunning rebuttal to international condemnation, the UK government, led by Prime Minister Keir Starmer, has dismissed accusations of human rights abuses against its own citizens, particularly native…
To Spite Trump, Gavin Newsom Declares California A Sanctuary State For Crime
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA-- Driven by a deep-seated desire to infuriate President Donald Trump, Governor Gavin Newsom officially designated California as the nation's first sanctuary state for crime, a policy extended to…
PM Mark Carney Burns Down Canada’s Forests To Prevent Any Future Wildfires
CANADA-- In what some experts are calling a radical new strategy to combat Canada's perennial wildfire crisis, Prime Minister Mark Carney announced that he has intentionally started burning all Canadian…
CNN: Why Weren’t There Any White People Present To Stop Chicago Shooting In Black Neighborhood?
U.S.-- In a groundbreaking primetime special last night, CNN anchor Jake Tapper posed a serious question to his audience of five people that he declared "a nation is afraid to…
Canadian Police Arrest Lawless Squirrel For Defying Hiking Ban In Nova Scotia
NOVA SCOTIA, CANADA-- As part of Canada's environmental initiative to prevent wildfires, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police have apprehended a rogue squirrel in Nova Scotia for brazenly violating the province's…
Trump Watches ‘Rocky IV’ In Preparation For Upcoming Alaska Meeting With Putin
WASHINGTON-- In preparation for his upcoming high-stakes summit with Russian President Vladimir Putin, President Donald Trump has revealed he has been binge-watching the 1985 classic movie Rocky IV as a way…
Democrats Accuse Trump’s Census of Stealing Seats They Rightfully Stole
WASHINGTON-- In a fiery press conference after storming Capitol Hill yesterday, incensed House Democrats accused President Donald Trump of "stealing" congressional seats they claim were "rightfully won illegally" through his…
Liberals Rush To Inject As Many Vaccines As Possible Before RFK Jr. Bans Them
U.S.-- Following the announcement that Health Secretary RFK Jr. was terminating the contracts on mRNA vaccines, frantic liberals across the nation began storming pharmacies, clinics, and pop-up vaccine tents to…
