Fox News Changes Name To CNN 2.0 To Better Reflect New Liberal Format
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- Former conservative media outlet Fox News is pleased to announce its new corporate and brand name CNN 2.0, saying the new name is more applicable…
Totally Alive Joseph Stalin Says He’s Happy With His Decision To Vote For Joe Biden
WILIMINGTON, DELAWARE-- Austere scholar Joseph Stalin has reportedly cast his vote for Joe Biden and is urging other living voters to throw their support behind the Democratic nominee by getting…
CNN Declares Biden Winner Of Presidential Election With 900 Gazillion Jillion Votes, New Record
WASHINGTON-- CNN has reported that Democratic nominee Joe Biden has officially won the 2020 presidential election with a staggering 900 gazillion jillion votes so far, which is more than every…
Biden’s Body Double Quits, Says He Got Tired Of Pretending To Play A Demented, Corrupt Moron
WASHINGTON-- Joe Biden's body double has officially resigned from his job of acting as the former vice president's stand-in, saying that he grew tired of having to play the part…
Hillary Clinton Accuses Husband Bill Of Being Russian Asset After He Forgets To Put Toilet Seat Down
CHAPPAQUA, NEW YORK-- Two-time failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton gave an emergency statement to the press this morning alleging that her husband Bill Clinton is a Russian asset working for…
50 Cent Retracts Support For Trump After Joe Biden Reminds Him He Ain’t Black
HOLLYWOOD-- Famous rapper 50 Cent has formally reversed his support for President Donald Trump after Democratic nominee Joe Biden reminded the tough gangster that "you ain't black" if you think…
Media Praises Biden For Drawing More Flies Than People At Recent Landfill Rally
DOVER, DELAWARE-- News media outlets are declaring Joe Biden a clear winner over the battle of the rallies between him and his rival President Donald Trump, commending the Democratic president…
Trendy Pope Francis Declares Bible ‘Just A Guideline’ And Optional Reading For Catholics
VATICAN CITY-- Pope Francis made a stunning statement yesterday when he told a crowd of bishops during a papal briefing about gender-neutral restrooms that the everlasting word of God is…
Democrats Replace Themselves With Cardboard Cutouts To Boycott Hearing, Actually Get More Done
WASHINGTON-- Senate Democrats refused to show up at the Judiciary Committee hearing on Thursday to advance President Trump's Amy Coney Barrett nomination and instead occupied their empty seats with cardboard…
Antifa Campaigns For Joe Biden While Peacefully Rioting As Election Day Approaches
PORTLAND, OREGON-- America's favorite peaceful protesters Antifa have hit the campaign trail hard for Democratic nominee Joe Biden, promoting their candidate of choice while at the same time calmly burning…
CNN Reports Evidence Obtained From Hunter Biden’s Laptop Are Lewd But Mostly Peaceful Images
ATLANTA, GEORGIA-- CNN has reported that the scandalous photos of Hunter Biden released to the public are "lewd but mostly peaceful images," debunking the Republican's claims that the pictures were…
Merriam-Webster Removes Word ‘Trump’ From Dictionary For Offending Too Many People
SPRINGFIELD, MASSACHUSETTES-- Merriam-Webster dictionary has completely removed the word "trump" from all their reference books and online site due to offending too many of their readers who happened to come…
