The Ubiquitous Brandon Makes An Appearance At Latest Trump Rally
DES MOINES, IOWA-- The sports stadium celebrity known only as "Brandon" made a rare appearance at last night's Donald Trump rally in Iowa, walking out onto the stage with the…
Lizard Person Bill Gates Accidentally Squirts Venom Into Reporter’s Eyes During Intense Interview
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- Microsoft co-founder and vaccine candy man Bill Gates has profusely apologized to a dead Bloomberg news reporter's family after mistakenly shooting his poisonous venom into…
Maskless Science Denier Still Waiting Patiently To Die Any Day Now
PORTLAND, OREGON-- For the last year and a half, a local maskless office worker named Margaret Johnson has been quietly preparing for her death ever since her liberal coworkers informed…
FBI Agents Bravely Stop Domestic Terrorist Parent From Putting Apple Into Child’s School Lunch Bag
BOULDER, COLORADO-- Brave FBI agents arrested a Boulder woman this morning after receiving a tip from a neighbor that the woman was preparing to put an apple into her daughter's…
Governor Gavin Newsom To Star As Contestant On Next Season’s Rupaul’s Drag Race
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA-- Governor Gavin Newsom announced on his Twitter X account this morning that he will be starring in the upcoming season of Rupaul's Drag Race as one of…
Sports Arenas To Replace US National Anthem With F**K Joe Biden Chants
U.S.-- Due to the growing national trend of crowds chanting "F**k Joe Biden" at sporting events, sports leagues around the country have decided to drop the United States national anthem…
Success: Australian Government Solves COVID Crisis By Executing All Their Citizens
MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA-- After an unsuccessful attempt at eradicating the COVID virus with lockdowns, vaccinations, masking, and brutally beating the Australian population, politicians finally found a cure for the dreaded pandemic…
With Trump Gone, Stephen Colbert Forced To Work As Wacky Waving Inflatable Tube Man For Money
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- The Late Show host Stephen Colbert has recently picked up a part-time job working as a wacky arm-flailing inflatable tube guy to make extra cash,…
Biden Mandates That All Women Must Let Him Sniff Their Hair
WASHINGTON-- Immediately after virtue-signaling by getting his saline booster shot on live television, Joe Biden made the announcement that he will be imposing a federal mandate to force all American…
Justin Trudeau Promises To Be More Caring Dictator After Winning Totally Legitimate Election
OTTAWA, CANADA-- After winning Canada's most legitimate election in history in a landslide, Justin Trudeau gave a heartwarming acceptance speech promising citizens that he'll try to be a more sympathetic…
Biden Fires Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez After Mistaking Her For A Border Patrol Horse
WASHINGTON-- Joe Biden is getting both criticism and praise from Republicans after the world's most popular president fired every Border Patrol horse working for the government, including Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez…
An Impatient Joe Biden Hires Freddy Krueger To Vaccinate Hesitant People While They’re Sleeping
WASHINGTON-- Joe Biden has finally reached his breaking point in trying to politely inoculate millions of Americans against their will and has asked for the assistance of Hollywood bad guy…
