Man Who Wears Heart On His Sleeve Doesn’t Understand Why He Can’t Keep A Girlfriend
PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND-- A local man named Dennis Wordsmith was left heartbroken and confused once again after getting dumped by his recent girlfriend for wearing his heart on his sleeve,…
January 6 Committee Subpoenas Bart Simpson To Testify Against Donald Trump
WASHINGTON-- Famous cartoon character Bart Simpson was the latest witness called in by the January 6 Committee to testify against President Donald Trump, with the hearing panel members claiming The…
Biden Awards Presidential Medal Of Freedom To White House Teleprompter
WASHINGTON--President Joe Biden awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom to his trusty White House teleprompter for its meritorious contributions to the national interests of the United States by telling him…
Total Recall: New Procedure Let’s You Pretend You’re Back In Better Time When Trump Was President
U.S.-- A highly sophisticated new technology has been recently developed that gives Americans the ability to relive the Donald Trump presidency as though it were happening in real time, giving…
Biden Tells Babies If They Need Money For Formula They Should Just Learn To Code
WASHINGTON-- President Joe Biden addressed the baby formula crisis in a speech this morning by telling desperate babies that if they need money for baby formula they should just "learn…
Biden Celebrates Mother’s Day By Saying Murdering Babies Needs To Remain Legal
WASHINGTON-- In a glorious speech celebrating American moms on Mother's Day, President Joe Biden touched on the recent Supreme Court abortion draft controversy by saying that murdering unborn babies must…
Elizabeth Warren Drafts Bill To Allow Men To Kick Pregnant Women Down Stairs
WASHINGTON-- In response to the recent possible Supreme Court ban on abortion, Senator Elizabeth Warren drafted up a bill to present to Congress that will allow husbands, boyfriends, and men…
Jimmy Kimmel Tests Positive For LAME
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA-- In a tearful opening monologue Monday night, late night host Jimmy Kimmel revealed to the world that he has tested positive for LAME, with his doctors informing him…
US Disinformation Governance Board Hires CNN Hosts To Give Everyone The Real Facts
WASHINGTON-- The Disinformation Governance Board has recently hired all the highly respected and totally honest hosts from CNN as a way to get the real truth out to the American…
In Retaliation Of Florida, Disney World Relocates To More Suitable Epstein Island
LITTLE SAINT JAMES, VIRGIN ISLANDS-- In response to all the turmoil they've been receiving from Florida, Disney World recently moved their entertainment resort to the much more apt Epstein Island…
With New Jersey’s Ban On Plastic, Black Market Selling Of Plastic Bags On The Rise
TRENTON, NEW JERSEY-- After New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy signed into law banning plastic bags, crafty hustlers have already started illegally selling the dangerous plastic bags on the black market…
FBI Poses As Ghosts To Try And Stop Illegal Ghost Gun Operation
WASHINGTON-- To try and thwart the very dangerous ghost gun business, the highly qualified agents at the FBI have gone undercover as ghosts and have infiltrated the spirit realm after…
