HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA– In a tearful opening monologue Monday night, late night host Jimmy Kimmel revealed to the world that he has tested positive for LAME, with his doctors informing him that he hasn’t been funny in a very long time.
“I have some very upsetting and surprising news,” said Kimmel as he cried on camera. “I went in for a routine checkup of my comedy skills and that’s when my physicians told me that I’ve tested positive for being LAME and that my jokes are boring, stupid, and painfully unfunny.”
Kimmel explained that he began feeling unwell the day President Donald Trump was removed from the Oval Office in January 2021, but he still refused to stop telling “orange man bad” jokes even though Joe Biden was the one inside the White House destroying the country.
“My doctors said I need to come up with some new material to be able to recover from my LAME sickness,” said Kimmel while most of his audience watched Dave Chappelle videos on their phones. “So starting today I’ll be going into self-quarantine to try to heal from this painful, humorless affliction.”
The Jimmy Kimmel Live! host says he plans on watching videos of actual funny comedians and then rewriting their jokes to make every single punchline about Trump.
“My sixty-nine viewers tune in to hear my latest Trump banter,” added Kimmel. “The only way I’ll recover from not being funny is if I make sure every joke has something to do with Trump.”
After Kimmel’s LAME diagnosis, many other boring late night hosts also tested positive for LAME, including Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, and Trevor Noah.
