‘We’ll Fix Everything If You Vote For Us,’ Says Party That Destroyed Canada
OTTAWA, CANADA-- As the Canadian election for prime minister quickly approaches, the Liberal Party that has been in control of Canada for the last ten years stated they will only…
Democrats Release Newly Unearthed Photo Of Hitler Driving A Tesla
WASHINGTON-- A newly uncovered photo was released this week by Democrats in Congress showing former German leader Adolf Hitler driving a Tesla vehicle, with numerous mainstream media pundits claiming the…
Mitch McConnell Beats Cory Booker’s 25-Hour Filibuster Record By Taking 26 Hours To Finish One Sentence
WASHINGTON-- Only one day after Cory Booker made history with the longest Senate floor speech of all time, Republican Senator Mitch McConnell defeated the New Jersey senator's 25-hour speech by…
Keir Starmer Calls For Resignation Of Whoever’s Prime Minister Of UK
UNITED KINGDOM-- As the UK continues to decline and its citizens grow increasingly frustrated at leadership, Prime Minister Keir Starmer said during an early morning press conference that whoever's in…
DOJ Seeks Death Penalty For Luigi Mangione By Sentencing Him To Canadian Healthcare
U.S.-- The United States DOJ issued a strong statement in response to the murder of the United HealthCare CEO, suggesting that accused killer Luigi Mangione should face the maximum penalty…
Anti-Elon Musk Protesters Wear Their KKK Hoods To Hide Identity While Burning Teslas
U.S.-- In an effort to avoid detection while committing their crimes, protesters of Elon Musk decided to wear their KKK hoods to hide their identities while going around the country…
Xi Jinping Threatens To Fire Canada’s Mark Carney For Imposing Tariffs On China
BEIJING, CHINA-- Once word reached Beijing that Canadian Prime Minister-elect Mark Carney had imposed tariffs on China, an angry President Xi Jinping issued a stern warning to the Liberal Party…
Biden Practices For Upcoming Political Career By Getting Job At TSA
NEW CASTLE, DELAWARE-- Only days after announcing his intentions to possibly get back into politics, former President Joe Biden decided to practice his infamous female groping skills by getting a…
European Leaders Hold Emergency Meeting To Figure Out How To Blame Trump For Europe Knife Attacks
BRUSSELS-- With the deadly knife attacks growing exponentially across Europe due to corrupt, failed leadership, European leaders held an emergency meeting in Brussels to discuss what would be the best…
Denmark Builds LEGO Border Wall Around Greenland To Protect Them From Trump Invasion
GREENLAND-- With President Donald Trump escalating his desire to diplomatically acquire Greenland, angry leaders from Denmark vowed to fight back and protect their territory by building a toy LEGO wall…
RFK Jr. Apologizes After Released Blackmail Video Shows Him Chugging Bottle Of Seed Oil At Party
U.S.-- RFK Jr. has been embroiled in yet another controversy after a recently released blackmail video showed the country's Health Secretary chugging what appears to be a bottle of seed…
Bipolar Tesla Arsonist Leaves Apology Note After Vandalizing Vehicle
LAS VEGAS, NEVADA-- Police in Las Vegas are searching for an apparently bipolar Tesla vandal who left an apology note after burning down a parked Cybertruck, writing that they felt…
