KIEV, UKRAINE– With support for Ukraine steadily waning, a desperate President Volodymyr Zelensky has reportedly launched an unconventional attempt to fund the ongoing war against Russia by selling exclusive feet pics online.
With global attention diverted to the Iran-Israel showdown and funds running dry, Zelensky has traded his olive-drab fatigues for a side hustle after his fans moved onto supporting the next currently popular thing.
“Are these the sexiest feet you’ve ever seen, or what?” Zelensky asked as he showed his feet to the three people watching his latest Instagram Live stream. “Ooh, baby, you guys know, for only ten dollars you can both support my efforts to continue this war in Ukraine so I don’t get whacked and you’ll also get a photo of these beautiful tootsies, calluses and all.”
Zelensky also teased a premium tier for only five dollars a month, offering his most ardent supporters extreme closeup videos showing himself shaving all the hair off his toes one-by-one.
After hearing about Zelensky’s latest stunt to drum up money, President Donald Trump called the Ukrainian president just to tell him that he “doesn’t have the cards” and also his “feet were much more beautiful” than Zelensky’s hooves.
