WASHINGTON– Only hours following both Israel and Iran’s agreement to Donald Trump’s ceasefire, sources close to Nancy Pelosi reportedly confirmed that the California Democrat was furious after the president’s peace plan had tanked her war stocks that she had purchased hoping there would be World War 3.
Aides to Nancy Pelosi said she had gleefully purchased a large amount of stock in various defense contractors in the belief that another twenty year war was about to kick off in the Middle East, but her elation was quickly deflated at the news that things were beginning to deescalate.
“What the hell is this?” Nancy Pelosi asked, reading Trump’s Truth Social ceasefire post. “That idiot Trump was supposed to get us into World War three and now he’s talking about ceasefires. If we don’t get a war going soon I’m going to be losing a lot of money. There’s no amount of alcohol that can help me recover from that loss.”
In a desperate attempt to try and go behind Trump’s back to get the war going again, Pelosi held a virtual call between herself and Israel’s Benjamin Netanyahu and the Ayatollah Ali Khamenei of Iran, promising whichever one of them wins the war will get to see her in a bikini.
At publishing time, it was reported that both Netanyahu and Khamenei had agreed to a permanent truce so that neither one of them would have to be subjected to the visual of Nancy’s experienced skin.
