SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA– In an effort to speed up the Los Angeles wildfire recovery efforts, California Governor Gavin Newsom brought in the highly respected and qualified fire prevention expert Fire Marshall Bill Burns.
According to Gavin Newsom, Fire Marshal Bill came highly recommended by members of the Democrat party who claim that the badly burnt fire expert was the perfect man to help struggling LA victims not only recover but to prevent future wildfires from happening.
“Lemme show ya somethin’,” said Fire Marshall Bill, as Newsom and members of the press watched Bill hold a blowtorch near the governor’s head. “Let’s say you just sprayed ten pounds of hair spray onto your hair because you were going in front of the cameras, but then you forgot your head was covered in propane, butane, and isobutane, and then lit a cigarette too close to your head.”
Fire Marshall Bill then demonstrated the dangers of lighting cigarettes near flammable substances by turning the blowtorch on high, lighting Newsom’s hair on fire. Bill started laughing at Newsom’s hair burning, saying, “Well, would you look at that? I’ve never seen Governor Gavin Newsom so fired up.”
As everyone ran around screaming and trying to put out the fire on Newsom’s head, Fire Marshal Bill quickly tried escalating the situation, saying, “Don’t worry, folks. I’m a fire marshal.”
