WASHINGTON– In an effort to make the USPS both more profitable and efficient, President Donald Trump announced today that he has been mulling over the idea of taking over the postal service in the hopes that mail delivery to the correct addresses will get up to a minimum of 48% accuracy.
Standing in front of a local post office near the White House, Trump proposed the merger of the USPS and the Commerce Department as a way to bump up the postal service’s current 19% correctness of getting the correct mail to the correct address.
“The USPS current mail delivery numbers are abysmal,” said Trump while unknowingly blocking mail trucks from leaving the lot. “The Postal Service mail delivery numbers are horrible. How can you run a business when you only deliver letters to the correct addresses nineteen percent of the time? I believe that if I can have my Commerce Department take over the USPS then we can definitely get those numbers up higher, much higher. I’m sure we can even get packages delivered to the right addresses at least forty-eight percent of the time.”
President Trump mentioned he would also like to have mail delivered to locations faster, saying letters that usually get delivered to customers three months late will now only be two months late.
With the help of Elon Musk, the president also promised that he will create a new kind of mail technology where people can send and receive messages electronically.
