WASHINGTON– The flukiest thing happened this week when federal authorities were just about to release the infamous P Diddy client list, but then at the last minute had to announce the bad news that all the names on the documents were now illegible due to Puff Daddy’s baby oil from the FBI evidence room spilling all over it.
Authorities held a press conference to tell the American people the unfortunate news that all the names on the P Diddy client list were smeared beyond recognition and that now the world may never know who all the high-profile people were on the alleged sex trafficker’s list.
“Unfortunately, we have some unfortunately unfortunate news,” said FBI Special Agent Hung Overton to news reporters. “As you all may know, we promised the American people that we would be releasing the clients of Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs. But regrettably, there was a very unlucky accident. When we went to retrieve the client list from our evidence room, one of the bottles of baby oil that we had taken from Mr. Combs’ residence mysteriously had its lid removed and then the oil dumped all over the papers, totally making every famous name indecipherable.”
The Special Agent said that even though no one could read the names on the list, he still wanted to keep his promise and released the papers to the public anyway. “Now that I think about it, maybe we should have recorded all those names electronically somehow,” said Special Agent Overton as he chuckled at the absurdity.
When asked by reporters when authorities were planning on releasing the Jeffrey Epstein client list, the agent responded nervously, saying, “Um, yeah, about that Epstein list.”
