WASHINGTON– Desperate to get AOC to stop rambling on incessantly in Congress about nothing in particular, Republicans pointed a laser pointer down at the floor in an effort to distract the New York Congresswoman and then move on to more important issues like leaving early for yet another extended vacation.
House Speaker Mike Johnson gave the okay to one of his Republican colleagues to point the laser around the room, watching as AOC became immediately distracted and sprung out of her chair to chase the red light like a cat.
“Wow, it really worked,” said Mike Johnson as AOC crawled around on the floor and moved her head quickly from side-to-side. “And I thought this thing only worked on felines. Well, now that we got Miss Ocasio-Cortez to stop talking about ducks, us Congress members can finally get back to business. Oh wait, would you look at that. It’s Friday. Time for another sixty-nine vacation days off in a row. See everyone in two months.”
Once Congress was adjourned and everyone had left the House Floor, AOC continued trying to bat at the red light after Republicans forgot to turn it off, leaving Alexandria all by herself in a state of bewilderment and frustration at not being able to catch the laser beam.
“Why can’t I catch this thing?” AOC asked while swatting at the laser light. “I’m not leaving here until I catch this. I have to prove to everyone else that I’m capable of doing things myself because I want to finally stop all the rumors that I’m just a stupid bartender.”
At publishing time, it was reported that AOC was still running around the chambers of Congress trying to catch that red light. No word on whether anyone had left her a fresh bowl of water and a clean litterbox.
