EU Insists It’s Not Censoring Americans, Just Requiring Pre-Approval For Every Word
BRUSSELS-- Pushing back against accusations of authoritarian overreach, European Union (EU) officials held a press conference Friday to clarify that they are “absolutely not censoring Americans," they are merely implementing…
NAACP Demands NHL End Systemic Beating Of Black Pucks By Predominantly White Hockey Players
U.S.-- The NAACP, joined by other prominent black advocacy groups, has issued a scathing letter to NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman demanding an immediate end to the use of black hockey…
In New Book, Franklin The Turtle Develops Myocarditis After The COVID Vaccine
CANADA-- In a devastating plot twist, beloved Canadian children's book character Franklin the Turtle has become the latest victim of the COVID-19 vaccine's notorious side effects in his new book…
Trump Taunts Ilhan Omar By Parking His MAGA Garbage Truck Outside Her Home
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA-- Only days after referring to Ilhan Omar as "garbage" and saying she should be deported, President Donald Trump decided to taunt the Somalia born congresswoman by parking his…
Tim Walz Arrested For Throwing Tampons At ICE Agents During Somali Protest
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA-- During a heated confrontation with federal law enforcement, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz was taken into custody yesterday after allegedly hurling tampons at ICE agents attempting to detain illegal…
Stab-Proof Vests Top Germany’s Christmas Wish Lists For Safety-Conscious Citizens
BERLIN, GERMANY-- In response to the mass stabbings being perpetrated by immigrants, stab-proof vests have become the number one requested gift in Germany this season, with safety-conscious citizens clamoring for…
Republicans Seen Literally Burying Trump’s Agenda Bill On Capitol Lawn
WASHINGTON-- In an effort to impede the MAGA agenda, several Republican lawmakers were spotted Monday literally burying President Donald Trump’s long-promised agenda bill on the Capitol Hill lawn, taking the…
Man Who Wished Death On Unvaccinated Now Humbly Asks For Their Blood Donations
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA-- In a stunning reversal, local liberal activist and former COVID-19 vaccine zealot, Brian Higgins, has gone from wishing death on the unvaccinated to literally pleading for their…
Mark Carney Scolds Canadians For Electing Such An Awful Prime Minister
OTTAWA, CANADA-- In what he has called one of the biggest blunders in Canada's history, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney launched a blistering attack on the very voters who put…
Ilhan Omar Longs For The Simpler Times When She Only Had To Buy One Holiday Gift For Brother And Husband
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA-- Congresswoman Ilhan Omar, known for her impassioned speeches on immigration reform and her personal journey as a Somali refugee, confessed in a tearful interview that her second marriage…
Confused Zelensky Wondering If That Third Mansion Might’ve Triggered Corruption Probe
KIEV, UKRAINE-- After news broke that his administration was being investigated for massive corruption, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky expressed genuine confusion over why the National Anti-Corruption Bureau (NABU) was suddenly…
RFK Jr. Recommends Americans Inject Thanksgiving Dinner Directly Into Bloodstream For Maximum Nutrient Absorption
WASHINGTON-- In an early morning Thanksgiving Day press conference, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. (RFK Jr.) unveiled his latest initiative to Make America Healthy Again, recommending…
