WASHINGTON — Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was reportedly spotted this week at a private Capitol Hill gym with hands the size of catcher’s mitts, where she spends hours each day ripping apart stacks of paper in preparation for her longtime rival President Trump’s upcoming State of the Union address.
According to aides, the 85-year-old Nancy Pelosi has been focusing on hand strength because she plans to make an even bigger protest statement against Trump during her last SOTU by ripping a staggering two pieces of paper in half at the same time.
“Nancy’s hands are getting absolutely massive,” said one aide who spoke on condition of anonymity. “She’s up to shredding two pieces of paper at a time. Her hands are so strong now, she’s finally able to lift a fork up to her mouth to feed herself. I almost feel bad for the president.”
Pelosi has been practicing her paper-ripping abilities by tearing apart all of the papers in her office that document any of her crimes.
Meanwhile, the White House has confirmed that the president has already prepared for the rumors of Pelosi’s document-ripping protest by switching all paper within the building to industrial-strength vellum paper.
