China Calls Trump Reckless For Buying Greenland, Says Responsible Empires Take Islands By Force
BEIJING, CHINA — The Chinese government condemned President Donald Trump’s reported interest in purchasing Greenland, calling the idea dangerously impulsive and warning that such reckless behavior undermines centuries of carefully…
Gavin Newsom Traumatically Disturbed By Nightmare Where He Took Responsibility For Something
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA — Visibly frightened and shaking uncontrollably, California Governor Gavin Newsom woke up in a cold sweat Friday morning after a disturbing nightmare in which he briefly took responsibility…
Ford Releases New Trump-Inspired ‘F-U 150’ Truck
(PARODY) Commercial for Ford Motor Company's newest pickup truck, the Ford F-U 150, a Trump-inspired model reportedly conceived within minutes of the president flipping off a heckler and repeatedly telling…
Mark Carney Successfully Trades Canada’s Entire Auto Industry For Free Egg Roll And Wonton Soup
OTTAWA, CANADA-- Prime Minister Mark Carney triumphantly returned from Beijing this week, declaring a historic, people first trade breakthrough after agreeing to trade the future of Canada’s domestic automotive sector…
Congress Declares ‘Swamp Drained’ After Passing $2 DOGE Budget Cut
WASHINGTON-- Cheers erupted across Capitol Hill Thursday as Congress triumphantly declared the federal swamp officially drained after codifying a DOGE budget cut that saved American taxpayers an estimated $2.00, an…
Ford Announces New Trump-Inspired ‘F-U 150’ Model After Auto Plant Visit
DEARBORN, MICHIGAN-- In a bold pivot responding to instantaneous market feedback, Ford Motor Company unveiled its newest pickup truck, the Ford F-U 150, a Trump-inspired model reportedly conceived within minutes…
RINOs Win Golden Globe Best Actor Award For Pretending To Be Republican
BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA-- A coalition of establishment Republicans was awarded the Golden Globe for Best Actor Sunday night after critics praised their decades-long, emotionally complex portrayal of people who campaign…
Celebrities Host 10th Annual ‘I’m Moving To Canada If Trump Becomes President’ Gala
BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA-- Fresh off last night’s Golden Globes ceremony, Hollywood’s most vocal Trump critics gathered for their other long-running awards tradition by holding their 10th Annual "I’m Moving to…
Somalis Quickly Surrender After ICE Threatens To Hand Them Over To Screeching Liberal White Women
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA-- During a recent immigration raid in Minnesota, dozens of illegal alien Somalis suddenly dropped down to their knees and begged to be arrested after ICE agents threatened to…
Tim Walz Defends Minnesota Scandal: ‘It’s Not Fraud If You Believe It’s Legal’
ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA-- Minnesota Governor Tim Walz defended his administration’s handling of the state’s sprawling fraud scandals by invoking the “Costanza Defense” to explain the billions of dollars in Somali…
UK Government Warns Seeing Too Much Truth On X May Cause Independent Thought
LONDON, UK-- The UK government issued a stark public health advisory today warning that prolonged exposure to unfiltered information on X may result in dangerous side effects, including independent thought,…
Somali Parents Evict Lazy Son For Failing To Launch A Single Federal Fraud Scheme
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA-- Furious and deeply disappointed Somali parents reportedly evicted their 26-year-old son after he continued to refuse repeated requests to do something productive with his life, such as opening…
