WASHINGTON — In a grand gesture aimed at reaffirming the Special Relationship between the United States and the United Kingdom, King Charles III officially presented President Donald Trump with a life-sized slab of Prime Minister Keir Starmer frozen in carbonite during a formal ceremony in the Oval Office Tuesday.
The gift, which depicts the British Prime Minister in a state of suspended animation with his metallic face permanently contorted in a grimace, was reportedly greeted with tremendous enthusiasm by the President.
“It is our hope that this gesture marks a new era of cooperation between our two nations,” said His Majesty King Charles, gesturing toward the metallic gray block featuring the Prime Minister. “I thought this might serve as a suitable peace offering. Furthermore, my advisors assure me Keir’s domestic approval ratings have actually experienced a slight bump since the freezing process was completed on Sunday.”
President Trump hailed the gift as one of the greatest honors he has received from a foreign monarch.
“This is a beautiful gift, truly beautiful,” Trump told reporters while posing for a photo in front of the frozen Starmer. “King Charles—great guy, very traditional—he told me this is the highest honor the UK can bestow on a leader. Keir and I have had our differences, believe me. He was very nasty to me during the campaign, very low-energy. But now look at him. He’s stable. He’s quiet. He’s finally listening.”
At press time, the British public had reacted to the news with uncharacteristic unity, with most citizens expressing relief that the Prime Minister had finally found a role where he couldn’t destroy the country any longer.
