NJ Governor Phil Murphy Celebrates Impressive Reelection Win Inside Graveyard To Thank His Voters
TRENTON, NEW JERSEY-- After winning reelection in the race for New Jersey governor by only a razor thin margin, Phil Murphy wanted to personally thank all the deceased voters who…
Progressives Flocking To Surgeons To Get Masks Sutured To Their Faces For Permanent Protection
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA-- With the current outbreak of the deadly virus known as mainstream media propaganda, progressives across the country have flooded plastic surgeons' offices to get their masks permanently…
NYC Mayor De Blasio Forced To Put Out Fires With Unused Vaccines After Firemen Quit In Mandate Protest
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio was scrambling to come up with a solution to all the discontented firemen who quit in protest of…
Furious Biden Bans Toilet Paper After Social Media Mocks Him For Crapping His Pants
WASHINGTON-- As millions of people on social media continue to spread the #PoopyPantsBiden hashtag in reference to Joe Biden's accidental steamy discharge while visiting the Vatican, the president has vowed…
Pope Francis Performs Exorcism On Vatican Bathroom After Biden Pooping Incident
VATICAN CITY-- In an effort to rid the Vatican of a disgusting evil stench, Pope Francis performed a nine hour exorcism on his personal bathroom after President Joe Biden desecrated…
The Lincoln Project Promises They’ll Use Real Racists For Their Next Stunt By Hiring Democrat Politicians
CHARLOTTESVILLE, VIRGINIA-- The anti-Republican, Republican group The Lincoln Project is facing intense backlash after using phoney racist people as Glenn Youngkin supporters, and has made a solemn promise that for…
Biden And France’s Macron Settle Their Differences By Competing In Televised Mud Wrestling Match
ROME, ITALY-- Presidents Joe Biden and Emmanuel Macron met in Rome today in their first ever mud wrestling match in an effort to settle their recent diplomatic squabbles, trying to…
Alec Baldwin Consults Esteemed Legal Analyst OJ Simpson For Advice On Alleged Murder Allegations
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA-- Easygoing Hollywood actor Alec Baldwin has been in hot water later for his mostly peaceful shooting incident of some woman named something, according to CNN. To get…
Obama Visits New Jersey To Teach Governor Phil Murphy How To Better Lie To Voters Before Election
TRENTON, NEW JERSEY-- Former President Barack Hussein Obama spent some time in New Jersey this week teaching his protégé Governor Phil Murphy the proper way to deceive your constituents in…
White House Confirms Biden Will Dress Up In Costume And Pretend He’s President This Halloween
WASHINGTON-- Relieved that he can finally tell people he's the legitimate commander-in-chief, Joe Biden announced that he will be dressing up as a real United States president this upcoming Halloween…
Thousands Of Dogs Crap On Dr. Fauci’s Lawn In Solidarity After Hearing About His Canine Testing Experiments
WASHINGTON, D.C.-- Immediately after hearing the upsetting news that their canine brothers and sisters were abused by Dr. Fauci for NIH medical experiments, thousands of dogs from across the country…
At Least 43 Squirrels Shot, 6 Fatally, In Violent Chicago Weekend
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS-- Six squirrels have been killed and at least 37 wounded in shootings that exploded across Chicago over the weekend, bringing the total number of gang-related squirrel deaths to…
