At 189 Years Old, Nancy Pelosi Says She’s Almost Ready To Retire From Political Office…Almost
WASHINGTON-- Former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi reaffirmed a promise she…
Heroic: Roll of Toilet Paper Comes Out As Paper Towel, Proves It Has More Uses Than For Just Wiping
FLINT, MICHIGAN-- A toilet paper roll from Michigan is being heralded as…
Emperor Biden Builds Coliseum To Feed All The Unvaccinated Americans To Hungry Lions
WASHINGTON-- Tired of waiting around for the rest of the country to…
The Ubiquitous Brandon Makes An Appearance At Latest Trump Rally
DES MOINES, IOWA-- The sports stadium celebrity known only as "Brandon" made…
Lizard Person Bill Gates Accidentally Squirts Venom Into Reporter’s Eyes During Intense Interview
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- Microsoft co-founder and vaccine candy man Bill…
Maskless Science Denier Still Waiting Patiently To Die Any Day Now
PORTLAND, OREGON-- For the last year and a half, a local maskless…
FBI Agents Bravely Stop Domestic Terrorist Parent From Putting Apple Into Child’s School Lunch Bag
BOULDER, COLORADO-- Brave FBI agents arrested a Boulder woman this morning after…
Governor Gavin Newsom To Star As Contestant On Next Season’s Rupaul’s Drag Race
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA-- Governor Newsom announced on his Twitter X account this…
Biden Mandates That All Women Must Let Him Sniff Their Hair
WASHINGTON-- Immediately after virtue-signaling by getting his saline booster shot on live…
Justin Trudeau Promises To Be More Caring Dictator After Winning Totally Legitimate Election
OTTAWA, CANADA-- After winning Canada's most legitimate election in history in a…
An Impatient Joe Biden Hires Freddy Krueger To Vaccinate Hesitant People While They’re Sleeping
WASHINGTON-- Joe Biden has finally reached his breaking point in trying to…
Newly Unearthed: Over 2,000 Year Old Confucius Quote Telling Future Americans To Take COVID Vaccine
BEIJING, CHINA-- A never-before-seen quote from famed Chinese philosopher Confucius has been…
