FLINT, MICHIGAN– A toilet paper roll from Michigan is being heralded as a hero on Twitter X for coming out to the world as a paper towel, hopefully ushering in a whole new era of paper products not being afraid to reveal their true selves.
Scott Charmin, 2, made the stunning announcement on Saturday after spending the last two years of his life hiding his real paper product self and he credits the Biden administration for giving him the courage to do so.
“When I saw Biden change Easter to Trans Day I knew it was time for me to come clean,” Charmin told CNN news reporters with tears running down his paper. “My whole life I’ve been living a lie, secretly living as a paper towel while at home in private. I always knew I was meant to clean up spills, not wipe people’s asses and then get flushed down the toilet.”
The former roll of toilet paper says he plans on also changing his name to better suit his new identity and will now go by the name Brawny Bounty.
“I’m no longer ‘Don’t squeeze the Charmin,’ but now the ‘Quicker picker-upper,'” Charmin joked as reporters broke out into feigned laughter for the cameras.
