Justice Served: Convicted Felon Sentenced To 2-Year Term In Congress
WASHINGTON-- Handing out the maximum penalty in a landmark ruling, a federal judge sentenced 32-year-old bank robber James "Fraudster" Jenkins to a two-year mandatory term in the U.S. House of…
Bernie Sanders Buys Fourth House To Store His ‘Tax The Rich’ Signs
BURLINGTON, VERMONT-- Only days after attending a "No Kings" protest against President Donald Trump and the rich elites, Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders has reportedly purchased his fourth luxury home, a…
Ireland To Solve Migrant Crisis By Importing More Migrants
DUBLIN, IRELAND-- In a bold move to address the nation's spiraling migrant crisis, Prime Minister Micheál Martin announced today that Ireland will be welcoming an additional 500,000 migrants from war-torn…
Trump Welcomes Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese To White House
WASHINGTON-- In typical Aussie "Down-Under" fashion, Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese arrived at the White House for his scheduled meeting with President Donald J. Trump snugly cocooned inside of a kangaroo’s pouch. The…
‘Chief Mouser’ Larry The Cat Catches Large Rat In UK Prime Minister’s Office
LONDON, UK-- Being hailed as a hero by British citizens, Larry the Cat, Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office, has caught a large rat inside Prime Minister Keir Starmer's office…
‘No Kings’ Protester Clarifies He’s Not Paid To Protest, Just Compensated To Participate In A Demonstration Not Driven By Personal Beliefs
PORTLAND, OREGON-- A "No Kings" protester in downtown Portland has clarified that he is not, in fact, getting paid to protest President Donald Trump. When asked why he was holding…
Zelensky Secures Massive ‘Bang Gun’ Shipment In Historic Arms Deal From Trump Summit
WASHINGTON-- Hailed as a decisive turning point in the war against Russia, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has reportedly secured a substantial shipment of cutting-edge weaponry from President Donald Trump, following…
Emperor Palpatine Demands Luke Skywalker Kiss Death Star Wall To Show His Fealty
CORUSCANT, GALACTIC EMPIRE-- In order to ensure the unwavering loyalty of all sentient beings, Emperor Palpatine has ordered Luke Skywalker to perform a humiliating act of fealty by touching and…
Absentminded Terrorist Keeps Leaving Sticky Notes To Remind Him To Blow Up Building
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- According to sources close to the international counter-terrorism community, a radical Islamic terrorist named Ahmad Al-Rashid has been thwarted in his plans to wreak havoc…
Keir Starmer Sends Himself Congratulations Flowers For ‘Masterminding’ Middle East Peace Deal
LONDON, UK-- Only hours after the historic Israel-Gaza peace deal, UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer was spotted receiving a bouquet of "Congratulations" flowers and "You Did It!" balloons outside 10…
Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson: ‘Voting Rights Act Is Essential Because Being Black Is Basically A Permanent Injury’
WASHINGTON-- In what some progressive experts are calling a revolutionary legal framework, Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson has declared that being a black person in America is essentially a…
Alec Baldwin Cleared In Hamptons Crash After Mistaking Tree For Trump Supporter
EAST HAMPTON, NEW YORK-- In a stunning victory for selective justice, renowned Hollywood actor Alec Baldwin has been cleared of all charges after his Range Rover SUV crashed into a…
