LONDON, UK– In an unorthodox move to tackle the UK’s spiraling migrant crisis, Prime Minister Keir Starmer today announced a comprehensive new strategy by frowning disapprovingly whenever the topic comes up. The Labour leader, whose party has been accused of encouraging mass immigration, unveiled the groundbreaking approach during a press conference at 10 Downing Street.
“I want to assure the British people that we take this issue very seriously,” Keir Starmer said, furrowing his brow into a deep, concerned crease. “From now on, whenever discussing illegal immigration, I will maintain this stern expression at all times. It’s a tough stance, and I believe it will deter thousands of migrants from crossing the Channel. It’s a powerful signal to those thinking of entering the UK illegally that we mean business.”
When asked how the frowning policy would be enforced, Starmer explained that he would personally lower his eyebrows and clench his jaw every time he mentions the word “migrant.”
The Reform Party has ridiculed the plan, with Nigel Farage pointing out that Labour’s open-borders policies have led to a record 100,000 migrants arriving in the UK this year alone.
“Starmer’s frown is a soggy teabag pretending to be a bulldog,” joked Farage. “My cat’s arsehole has a more commanding presence when it’s judging the litter tray.”
PM Keir Starmer ended the press conference by saying that if the disapproving frown doesn’t work to deter migrants then he would escalate his approach to using a firm scowl.
