PALM BEACH, FLORIDA– In a major win for the federal government this week, FBI agents reported that they have retrieved all of Donald Trump’s underwear after they got a warrant to raid his personal clothes drawer, saying they now have all the evidence needed to know what kind of undergarments the president uses.
FBI Special Agent Hung Overton gave reporters the shocking news that Trump not only wears tighty-whitie underwear, but that he also has his name engraved on each of them, a sure sign of a man hellbent on overturning a totally legitimate election.
“That’s it, we finally have the evidence to take down Trump,” said Agent Hung Overton confidently as he sniffed a pair of Trump’s underwear for research purposes. “At 10 am yesterday morning, our agents seized dozens of pairs of underwear, including boxers and briefs, belonging to Mr. Trump, proving once and for all that he tried overturning the 2020 presidential election.”
Numerous FBI agents were said to be as giddy as schoolgirls after nabbing Trump’s underwear, with each male agent volunteering to sniff and examine the undergarments in search of any more clues that would finally take down the president.
“Our agents are the best in their respective fields when it comes to extracting as much evidence as they can from men’s underwear,” said Agent Overton, pocketing Trump’s underwear to better examine them at home. “I have my top male agents back at the office right now wearing Trump’s underwear to get a better idea of what was going through Trump’s mind on January 6, 2021.”
After later realizing that they had mistakenly grabbed Melania Trump’s underwear, all the male FBI agents began vomiting profusely and washing out their mouths and noses with bleach.
