LONDON, UK– The UK Police Service has announced the formation of a new, highly specialized task force aimed at tackling a growing and deeply concerning demographic of British citizens who have not yet been arrested, questioned, or even flagged for their online speech.
The Proactive Citizen Compliance Unit (PC-CU), an £80 million initiative, will use advanced algorithms to identify individuals with “suspiciously clean” digital footprints.
These are individuals who have, against all statistical odds, managed to navigate social media for years without posting a single offensive joke, a misjudged cultural opinion from 2011, or a meme that could be interpreted as causing anxiety to a protected group.
“For years, our resources have been dedicated to finding and prosecuting those who overtly express non-sanctioned thoughts,” said Chief Inspector Simon Hill, showing news reporters a graph of a sharp decline in unprosecuted opinions. “But we must now ask ourselves a more troubling question: what about those who say nothing at all? What are they hiding?”
The Home Office has applauded the initiative, stating it will help the UK become the “safest and most harmonious place in the world to have a government-approved thought.” Citizens are encouraged to report any friends or family members who seem excessively cheerful, unopinionated, or focused on their own private lives, via the new ‘See Something, Say Nothing’ hotline.
