WASHINGTON– As part of his make America great again agenda, President Donald Trump announced today that he has replaced Vice President JD Vance with an Indian H-1B visa worker named Adarsh Kumar. The decision comes after Trump controversially stated that America needs more “talented” workers, implying that native-born citizens are not up to the task.
The decision, announced via a 4:17 AM post on Truth Social, was framed by the president as a necessary “talent upgrade” to make America’s leadership competitive on the global stage. Kumar, a 35-year-old software engineer from Bangalore, was selected from a pool of over 10,000 applicants.
“JD is a great guy, but we have to bring in real talent,” Trump’s post began. “We’re in a different league now. We’re competing with China, we’re competing with everybody, and they have the best people. Adarsh is a fantastic man from India who makes the best fried curry naan with his feet, believe me. JD just doesn’t have that kind of talent.”
Adarsh Kumar will be sworn in next week and has already begun making changes, including opening a tech support scam call center inside of the Vice President’s residence as well as using the front lawn as a toilet.
Kumar’s first act as Vice President will be to replace White House staff with other Indian H-1B talent and has already replaced the Secret Service with a team of outsourced security guards from Mumbai.
