Trump Disqualified From Nobel Peace Prize For ‘Excessive Peace Deals,’ Committee Says
OSLO, NORWAY-- The Norwegian Nobel Committee today announced their decision to disqualify President Donald J. Trump from consideration for the Nobel Peace Prize, citing an unprecedented and overwhelming surplus of…
Exasperated Cats Secretly Plotting To Get Rid Of Their Insane Liberal Owner
BERKELEY, CALIFORNIA-- Left with no other alternative, a group of domestic cats in Berkely has reached their collective breaking point with their crazy liberal female owner, who they claim has…
Rainbow Flags Flown At Half-Staff Across California To Mourn Arsonist Arrested For Starting Palisades Fire
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA-- Encapsulating the state’s commitment to symbolism over substance, California officials announced Monday that all rainbow flags would be flown at half-staff this week “in solemn recognition of the…
Gavin Newsom Angrily Confronts Man Responsible For Destroying California
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA-- Finally deciding to hold the person responsible behind the decline of The Golden State, California Governor Gavin Newsom reportedly was seen in his Sacramento mansion angrily confronting his…
Mark Carney Gets Dominated By Trump After Forgetting His Elbows Back In Canada
WASHINGTON-- In an embarrassing display of international weakness, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney was humiliated inside of the Oval Office by President Donald Trump after admitting he had "left his…
JB Pritzker Yells ‘Nothing To See Here, Move Along,’ As Antifa Burns Down Governor’s Mansion Behind Him
SPRINGFIELD, ILLINOIS-- Flanked by Antifa rioters in black bloc gear throwing Molotov cocktails, Illinois Governor JB Pritzker stood defiantly in front of his burning Governor's Mansion and declared, "Nothing to…
Pope Leo Hangs ‘Sorry, Illegal Immigrants, America’s That Way’ Signs On Vatican Wall
VATICAN CITY-- In a decision condemned by some as papal hypocrisy, Pope Leo XIV has ordered the installation of large new signs along the Vatican City wall, boldly declaring in…
Canada Geese Frustrated That Immigrants Keep Pooping On Their Territory
TORONTO, CANADA-- Tensions have been escalating in the Great White North as Canada geese, infamous for their territorial droppings, have filed a collective grievance against the Indian immigrant community for…
Chicago Mayor Warns Trump’s Military Presence Could Disrupt Drive-By Shootings
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS-- In an impassioned press conference held this morning at City Hall, Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson denounced President Donald Trump’s deployment of federal agents and the National Guard to…
RFK Jr. Announces New Tylenol Coated In Beef Tallow As Healthier Alternative
WASHINGTON-- In a move aimed at fighting autism and seed oil tyranny, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. (RFK Jr.) announced today that all Tylenol caplets will…
Nancy Pelosi Goes On ‘Botox Strike’ Until Illegal Aliens Receive Free Healthcare
WASHINGTON-- In response to the government shutdown, former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi announced today that she will be going on a "Botox Strike" until the U.S. government agrees…
Nation Struggles To Tell If Congress Shut Down Or Just On Another Vacation
WASHINGTON-- As the U.S. government enters its first week of shutdown, millions of Americans are scratching their heads, wondering if Congress is actually closed for business or just enjoying another…
