ICE Lures Somalis Out Of Minnesota Homes Using Lightbulbs Duct-Taped To Broomsticks
ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA-- In a bold new tactic meant to ramp up the deportation of illegal aliens, ICE agents have begun duct-taping incandescent lightbulbs to the end of broomsticks and…
European Leaders Deny UK Summit Was Just Another Cocaine-Fueled Gay Orgy
LONDON, UK-- Top officials from across Europe, including Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer, French President Emmanuel Macron, and German Chancellor Friedrich Merz, vehemently denied allegations that…
Keir Starmer Reassures Grooming Gang Victims He’s Not Doing Anything To Stop It From Happening Again
LONDON, ENGLAND-- In a move critics called "shockingly tone-deaf," Prime Minister Keir Starmer met with survivors of grooming gang abuse yesterday to reassure them he has no intention of implementing…
Man Who Spent Two Years Calling Republicans ‘Weird’ Shocked To Discover Name-Calling Can Be Hurtful
ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA-- During a tearful press conference, Minnesota Governor and former Vice Presidential candidate Tim Walz has come forward expressing deep hurt and bewilderment after being called a "retard"…
EU Insists It’s Not Censoring Americans, Just Requiring Pre-Approval For Every Word
BRUSSELS-- Pushing back against accusations of authoritarian overreach, European Union (EU) officials held a press conference Friday to clarify that they are “absolutely not censoring Americans," they are merely implementing…
NAACP Demands NHL End Systemic Beating Of Black Pucks By Predominantly White Hockey Players
U.S.-- The NAACP, joined by other prominent black advocacy groups, has issued a scathing letter to NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman demanding an immediate end to the use of black hockey…
In New Book, Franklin The Turtle Develops Myocarditis After The COVID Vaccine
CANADA-- In a devastating plot twist, beloved Canadian children's book character Franklin the Turtle has become the latest victim of the COVID-19 vaccine's notorious side effects in his new book…
Trump Taunts Ilhan Omar By Parking His MAGA Garbage Truck Outside Her Home
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA-- Only days after referring to Ilhan Omar as "garbage" and saying she should be deported, President Donald Trump decided to taunt the Somalia born congresswoman by parking his…
Tim Walz Arrested For Throwing Tampons At ICE Agents During Somali Protest
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA-- During a heated confrontation with federal law enforcement, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz was taken into custody yesterday after allegedly hurling tampons at ICE agents attempting to detain illegal…
Stab-Proof Vests Top Germany’s Christmas Wish Lists For Safety-Conscious Citizens
BERLIN, GERMANY-- In response to the mass stabbings being perpetrated by immigrants, stab-proof vests have become the number one requested gift in Germany this season, with safety-conscious citizens clamoring for…
Republicans Seen Literally Burying Trump’s Agenda Bill On Capitol Lawn
WASHINGTON-- In an effort to impede the MAGA agenda, several Republican lawmakers were spotted Monday literally burying President Donald Trump’s long-promised agenda bill on the Capitol Hill lawn, taking the…
Man Who Wished Death On Unvaccinated Now Humbly Asks For Their Blood Donations
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA-- In a stunning reversal, local liberal activist and former COVID-19 vaccine zealot, Brian Higgins, has gone from wishing death on the unvaccinated to literally pleading for their…
