Keir Starmer Declares Immigrant Knife Crime Epidemic Solved After UK Police Cease Counting Attacks
LONDON, UK-- In a historic press conference, Prime Minister Keir Starmer beamed with pride as he announced the "miraculous" decline in immigrant knife crime across the United Kingdom, citing a…
Trump Gains Mutant Powers After Drinking Japanese Tap Water
TOKYO, JAPAN-- During a diplomatic visit to Japan, President Donald Trump's body began emitting a bright green glow after he drank from a sink faucet during a state visit to…
Gavin Newsom Recounts Growing Up As A Poor Black Child In Compton Eating Wonder Bread And Grape Soda
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA-- In an effort to connect with black voters, California Governor Gavin Newsom appeared on the popular hip-hop podcast All the Smoke this week and told the world a…
Citizens Beg Trump To Drop Tariffs On Canada After Doug Ford Streaks Through World Series In Retaliation
CANADA / US-- In a major escalation in the ongoing U.S.-Canada tariff war, a joint petition already signed by over 2 million Canadian and American citizens has been delivered to…
FBI Executes Daring 5AM Raid On James Comey’s Refrigerator, Seizes Leftover Pizza And Sandwiches
FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA-- In a brave pre-dawn operation, the FBI carried out a daring 5AM raid on former FBI Director James Comey’s refrigerator today, marking the agency’s most aggressive action against…
Mark Carney Reassures Canadians Housing Crisis Won’t Affect Him Personally
OTTAWA, CANADA-- Amid a spiraling national housing crisis, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney reassured struggling citizens that the country's crippling housing crisis "won't affect him personally." Speaking from the marble…
Republican States Unveil ‘Beware Of California Drivers’ Caution Signs
U.S.-- In an effort to protect their citizens from the Golden State's reckless policies, Republican governors across the country have installed highway warning signs alerting drivers to the dangers of…
Justice Served: Convicted Felon Sentenced To 2-Year Term In Congress
WASHINGTON-- Handing out the maximum penalty in a landmark ruling, a federal judge sentenced 32-year-old bank robber James "Fraudster" Jenkins to a two-year mandatory term in the U.S. House of…
Bernie Sanders Buys Fourth House To Store His ‘Tax The Rich’ Signs
BURLINGTON, VERMONT-- Only days after attending a "No Kings" protest against President Donald Trump and the rich elites, Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders has reportedly purchased his fourth luxury home, a…
Ireland To Solve Migrant Crisis By Importing More Migrants
DUBLIN, IRELAND-- In a bold move to address the nation's spiraling migrant crisis, Prime Minister Micheál Martin announced today that Ireland will be welcoming an additional 500,000 migrants from war-torn…
Trump Welcomes Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese To White House
WASHINGTON-- In typical Aussie "Down-Under" fashion, Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese arrived at the White House for his scheduled meeting with President Donald J. Trump snugly cocooned inside of a kangaroo’s pouch. The…
‘Chief Mouser’ Larry The Cat Catches Large Rat In UK Prime Minister’s Office
LONDON, UK-- Being hailed as a hero by British citizens, Larry the Cat, Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office, has caught a large rat inside Prime Minister Keir Starmer's office…
