OTTAWA, CANADA– Prime Minister Mark Carney triumphantly returned from Beijing this week, declaring a historic, people first trade breakthrough after agreeing to trade the future of Canada’s domestic automotive sector for a complimentary crispy eggroll and a small bowl of wonton soup.
Mark Carney, a former global central banker and self-proclaimed “China expert,” claims he outwitted Chinese Premier Li Qiang by demanding the free appetizers. He hailed the deal as the greatest trade deal since NAFTA 2.0.
“I told them, ‘No eggroll, no deal!’ and they surprisingly caved immediately,” Carney boasted in a press conference, where he was seen savoring the cold wonton soup. “What’s a few billion dollars in auto jobs when you get free wonton soup? This is a win-win for Canada.”
Carney went on to say that this historic trade deal proves that Canada is back at the big table and no longer needs to rely on the United States for anything. The prime minister promised that it was well worth kneecapping the Canadian auto industry, as the eggroll was extra crispy and the wonton soup wasn’t watery.
Critics called Carney a sellout and claimed the China trade deal will destroy Canada’s auto industry, putting thousands of hardworking Canadians out of work. Carney brushed off the criticism, saying, “You can’t put a price on a good eggroll.”
