WASHINGTON– Democrat challenger Glass of Water has officially thrown his proverbial hat in the ring to take New York’s 14th Congressional District seat away from full-time Twitter celebrity and part-time politician Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY).
Longtime New Yorker Glass of Water, who news media outlets have already dubbed GOW, quickly became an internet sensation last year when Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) stated that he could easily beat AOC in her district if he had only a “D” next to his name.
Glass of Water accompanied Pelosi on a European speaking tour, with Pelosi praising the clear drink’s chances at winning an election after initially mistaking him for her usual travelling companion Glass of Vodka.
The hydrating GOW has received full backing from many prominent Democrats, including Pelosi, Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY), Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif.), JFK, Andrew Jackson, and every other Democrat who’s not a member of “the Squad.”
At his first campaign rally on Saturday, GOW drew a crowd of over 100,000 people, and already has massive financial support mostly from grassroots donations.
Political pundits are predicting a landslide victory for Glass of Water, who will utilize his global fame as one of the world’s most popular beverages to his advantage.
Inside sources say another famous beverage Cup of Soda is entertaining the idea of running for president in an effort to gain enough power so that he can ban a certain New York billionaire who doesn’t meet a minimum height requirement.
AOC might be back to serving drinks soon enough. Maybe Nancy will be her first customer.