RFK Jr. Recommends Americans Inject Thanksgiving Dinner Directly Into Bloodstream For Maximum Nutrient Absorption
WASHINGTON-- In an early morning Thanksgiving Day press conference, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. (RFK Jr.) unveiled his latest initiative to Make America Healthy Again, recommending…
Katy Perry Proudly Announces Boyfriend Justin Trudeau Is Pregnant With Their First Baby
MONTECITO, CALIFORNIA-- Only months after they had their first date, global pop sensation Katy Perry and her boyfriend, Canada's former Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, announced they are expecting a child…
Trump Declares Jive Turkey Pardon ‘Historic Civil Rights Achievement’
WASHINGTON-- In a move the Trump campaign is calling "transformative for race relations," President Donald Trump has officially pardoned a turkey named "Jive Turkey" at this year's Thanksgiving ceremony instead…
Another Black Gang Shooting In Democrat-Run Chicago, Mayor Promises To Blame White People Again
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS-- In a press conference held hours after yet another black gang-related mass shooting in the South Side, Mayor Brandon Johnson doubled down on his signature blame-shifting strategy, assuring…
Pam Bondi Replaces Herself With Cardboard Cutout So She Can Spend More Time On Fox News
WASHINGTON-- During a surprise press conference held outside the Department of Justice Monday morning, Attorney General Pam Bondi proudly announced that she has officially replaced herself with a life-size cardboard…
UK Dog Sentenced To 12 Months In Kennel For Eating Bacon Treat Near Mosque
LONDON, UK-- In an unprecedented legal case facing global scrutiny, a 3-year-old German Shepherd mix named Max has been sentenced to 12 months in a maximum-security kennel after being convicted…
Awkward: GOP, DNC Both Offer Lucrative X Contracts To Same Indian Troll Farm For ‘Authentic Grassroots Support’
WASHINGTON-- In a cringe-worthy moment of bipartisan embarrassment, both the Republican National Committee (RNC) and the Democratic National Committee (DNC) were caught yesterday offering lucrative X contracts to the same…
Tall New York City Buildings On High Alert After Zohran Mamdani Boards Plane
NEW YORK-- Emergency protocols were quietly activated across Manhattan’s tallest skyscrapers this morning when air-traffic control confirmed that newly elected Muslim Mayor Zohran Mamdani had successfully boarded Delta Flight 1752…
Ben Shapiro Argues Public Fixation On Epstein Files A ‘Convenient Distraction’ From Israel’s Urgent Need For More Money
U.S.-- In a scathing rebuke of what he labeled "obsessive Epstein fetishism," conservative commentator Ben Shapiro declared on his podcast The Ben Shapiro Show that the public's fixation on the…
Mark Carney Warns Reducing Immigration To Canada Might Jeopardize His WEF Agenda
DAVOS, SWITZERLAND-- During a speech at a recent World Economic Forum (WEF) event, a visibly concerned Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney issued a grave warning that any significant reduction in…
FBI Director Kash Patel Deported After H-1B Visa Expires
MUMBAI, INDIA-- As part of Immigration and Customs Enforcement's promise to crack down on illegal aliens, FBI Director Kash Patel was escorted by ICE agents onto a flight to Mumbai…
Jill Biden Spares Joe’s Sanity By Letting Him Believe Rubber Ducky Is Ashley
WILMINGTON, DELAWARE-- As the 83-year-old former Commander-in-Chief's cognitive decline continues to worsen, sources close to the Biden family have confirmed that former President Joe Biden has been showering with a…
