ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA — Minnesota Governor Tim Walz was seen letting out a long, audible sigh of relief this morning after refreshing a Polymarket betting pool titled “Will AG Pam Bondi Indict Tim Walz in 2026?” and finding the odds holding steady at less than 0.4%.
According to sources inside the Governor’s Residence, the former vice-presidential hopeful had spent the last week checking the prediction market repeatedly, with his anxiety vanishing upon realizing that Polymarket had priced in Attorney General Pam Bondi’s absolute and total inability to actually do anything.
“I trust markets,” Walz said while staring at his laptop. “And the market has clearly priced in the fact that absolutely nothing is going to happen, so it looks like I’m in the clear. I was worried for a second there when I saw her on Hannity talking about justice, but the market confirmed that Bondi is completely toothless.”
When reached for comment, Bondi responded by announcing she would give this a “very serious review,” followed by a promise to “get to the bottom of this,” which analysts immediately interpreted as bullish news for the “No Arrest” side of the market.
As of publication, Polymarket had added a related prop bet of “Will Pam Bondi Hold a Press Conference Announcing She Is Looking Into It?” which surged instantly to 100 percent.
