COPENHAGEN, DENMARK — Escalating tensions with the United States over President Donald Trump’s renewed interest in acquiring Greenland and his tariffs against Denmark and the rest of Europe, Danish officials announced Tuesday they are considering a retaliatory embargo on one of their most powerful exports of salty licorice.
“We will not stand idly by while our sovereignty is threatened,” declared Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen at a press conference, holding up a bag of the black licorice. “If President Trump thinks he can simply waltz in and take Greenland, he clearly hasn’t considered the consequences. America will learn what it means to live without our precious black gold.”
The announcement was met with confusion across Washington, where officials reportedly spent several hours confirming whether the United States was currently importing salty licorice at all.
“This will cripple the American economy,” insisted Frederiksen, referring to Denmark’s salty licorice exports to the United States totaling approximately $47,000 annually. “Imagine the chaos when Americans can no longer walk into their local IKEA and purchase Djungelvrål that they’ll eat once, make a face of pure horror, and then leave in their pantry for three years. Cutting off America’s access to the coal-black, ammonium chloride-laden candy will bring Washington to its knees.”
At press time, Denmark reiterated it hopes the United States will reconsider its tariffs and Greenland ambitions before also placing an embargo on other necessary items such as pickled herring and Remoulade sauce.
