DAVOS, SWITZERLAND — California Governor Gavin Newsom confirmed Tuesday that he has temporarily relocated to Davos to escape the catastrophic policies of California’s governor, explaining that conditions back home have become untenable and that someone, somewhere, has clearly been running the state into the ground.
“Look, I love California,” Gavin Newsom told a sympathetic crowd of billionaires while sipping a $40 espresso. “Okay, no I don’t, but still. But between the crime, the taxes, the homelessness, the wildfires, the gas prices, and the general sense that no one is in charge, I just had to get out for a bit. Any reasonable person would.”
The governor went on to say that California has become a nightmare due to the current governor’s horrible policies, citing the state’s highest-in-the-country rankings for gas prices, taxes, homelessness, poverty rate, and crime.
“I don’t know who is running that state, but they should be in prison. Anyway, I’m here to tell global leaders how to run the rest of the world.”
Newsom stressed that his trip to the World Economic Forum was not political, but personal. “When a place like California becomes this expensive, this chaotic, and this poorly managed, leadership has a responsibility to leave immediately and discuss global issues with billionaires at Davos.”
At press time, Newsom was reportedly drafting a Davos speech urging world leaders to learn from California’s failures and not make the same mistakes, while back home, millions of Californians stated that this was the first time they had ever agreed with Newsom on anything.
