Major Nationwide Comcast Outage After Clumsy CEO Trips Over Main Power Cord
PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA-- Millions of Comcast customers across the country woke up this morning to a major service outage, causing significant problems around the US and prompting Xfinity to admit that…
CNN: Biden’s Approval Rating Hits An Impressive All-Time High Of Negative 69 Percent
ATLANTA, GEORGIA-- After another week of Biden gaining popularity among the American people, CNN was proud to announce that a recent poll showed that the president's approval rating has reached…
Alex Jones Selling Banned Sunglasses That Let’s You See Who’s Vaccinated
AUSTIN, TEXAS-- Popular radio show host Alex Jones has started selling special sunglasses on his Infowars website that he claims lets you see who is vaccinated with the COVID-19 injection,…
PoopGate: Republicans Launch Investigation Into Whether Biden Pooped His Pants Overseas
WASHINGTON-- Concerned Republicans have decided to open a serious inquiry into whether Joe Biden pooped his pants while visiting the Pope in Italy last week, claiming that this is an…
FDA Authorizes Children Aged 5 To 11 Can Now Be Safely Fed To Hungry Alligators
SILVER SPRING, MARYLAND-- The FDA has granted emergency use authorization for the feeding of young children ages 5 to 11 to ravenous alligators, with the White House saying that full…
NJ Governor Phil Murphy Celebrates Impressive Reelection Win Inside Graveyard To Thank His Voters
TRENTON, NEW JERSEY-- After winning reelection in the race for New Jersey governor by only a razor thin margin, Phil Murphy wanted to personally thank all the deceased voters who…
Progressives Flocking To Surgeons To Get Masks Sutured To Their Faces For Permanent Protection
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA-- With the current outbreak of the deadly virus known as mainstream media propaganda, progressives across the country have flooded plastic surgeons' offices to get their masks permanently…
NYC Mayor De Blasio Forced To Put Out Fires With Unused Vaccines After Firemen Quit In Mandate Protest
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK-- New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio was scrambling to come up with a solution to all the discontented firemen who quit in protest of…
Furious Biden Bans Toilet Paper After Social Media Mocks Him For Crapping His Pants
WASHINGTON-- As millions of people on social media continue to spread the #PoopyPantsBiden hashtag in reference to Joe Biden's accidental steamy discharge while visiting the Vatican, the president has vowed…
Pope Francis Performs Exorcism On Vatican Bathroom After Biden Pooping Incident
VATICAN CITY-- In an effort to rid the Vatican of a disgusting evil stench, Pope Francis performed a nine hour exorcism on his personal bathroom after President Joe Biden desecrated…
The Lincoln Project Promises They’ll Use Real Racists For Their Next Stunt By Hiring Democrat Politicians
CHARLOTTESVILLE, VIRGINIA-- The anti-Republican, Republican group The Lincoln Project is facing intense backlash after using phoney racist people as Glenn Youngkin supporters, and has made a solemn promise that for…
Biden And France’s Macron Settle Their Differences By Competing In Televised Mud Wrestling Match
ROME, ITALY-- Presidents Joe Biden and Emmanuel Macron met in Rome today in their first ever mud wrestling match in an effort to settle their recent diplomatic squabbles, trying to…
