LONDON, ENGLAND– During his recent Christmas Eve message this morning, sloshed British Prime Minster Boris Johnson revealed a stunning photo showing Jesus getting injected with the COVID vaccine, which he says is all part of his drive to get the entire country shot up with the magical medication.
Johnson claims this never-before-seen photo of Jesus is absolute proof that the Son of God was pro-vaccine and would want everyone to get jabbed. He also promised that the photo is definitely not photoshopped and he’s not using it as a way to trick Christians and Catholics into taking the experimental gene therapy injections.
“Getting the COVID booster follows the direct teachings of Jesus Christ,” said Johnson with a straight face as he read from an upside down Bible. “It says it right here in the Bible in the book of Martin, chapter 69 and one half, that before Jesus boarded a plane to go back to heaven he urged all his followers to take the heavenly COVID vaccine and also all the monthly boosters. Amen.”
While drinking spiked eggnog, Johnson told his four viewers that if they just listen to Jesus and go get stabbed with thirty vaccines and eighty boosters then he promises he will open Britain back up and allow everyone to carry on with their normal lives.
The prime minster also denied the “ridiculous rumors” that he made a deal with the devil to get everyone injected with the serpent serum.
“If you just fall down and worship the vaccine, I will give you all the kingdoms of the world and all their glory,” said Johnson, oddly reminiscent of Matthew 4:8-9. “Trust me, I promise this is not propaganda and I’m not doing the bidding of Satan. I don’t even know who this Satan is. Did somebody say Satan?”
