BLANCO, FLORIDA– A black man was arrested today in what many reputable news media outlets are calling a hate crime.
According to police, 49 year old black man Jerome Jackson was walking through the affluent neighborhood of Blanco, Florida when he suddenly attacked a white seagull that was standing near the corner of Main Street minding its own business.
“The suspect has been detained on charges of a hate crime,” Blanco Chief of police Bob Zimmerman said in front of dozens of CNN news reporters.
“Mr. Jerome Jackson was walking down numerous streets and acting suspicious. Our department received thirteen 911 calls regarding this incident. Witnesses to the crime stated that Mr. Jackson became enraged when the bird refused to give him a dollar. When police arrived at the scene, Mr. Jackson became hostile and officers were forced to mace, taser and club the suspect.”
When asked about the condition of the white seagull, Chief Zimmerman was grim.
“It’s too early to tell. The seagull was rushed to the Blanco Medical Center by helicopter and taken into immediate surgery. The bird was put on life support, but sources at the hospital say that the bird might pull through, although he may never be able to fly, rip through trash, defecate on humans, or take food out of people’s hands ever again.”
The black suspect Jerome Jackson is currently being held in the local jail on $8 million bail.
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