LONDON, ENGLAND– The Queen of the United Kingdom recently came out of hiding to defend her second son Prince Andrew in regards to the numerous accusations of his ties to accused pedophile Jeffrey Epstein and his child sex trafficking crimes.
After putting out thirteen statements denying any involvement with Epstein, Buckingham Palace finally remembered that Prince Andrew did sort of-kind of know Epstein and may have sort of-kind of heard of the Lolita Express and maybe even Little St. James Island.
Once the Palace remembered who Epstein was, they put out a new statement in Queen Elizabeth’s own succinct words where she stated that Prince Andrew couldn’t have been involved in all those horrible crimes simply because “he’s a good boy.”
The statement went on to say that Prince Andrew “didn’t do nothing” and that the prince was “on his way to church” when he was stopped by the “nasty ole man” Epstein in the street.
The Palace stated that they were very truly, madly, seriously “appalled” by both Epstein’s alleged crimes and that anyone would think the Duke of York would have anything to do with beautiful, young women, let alone underage minors, especially when he was married to such a striking woman like Sarah Ferguson.
With the latest statement being called inadequate, the Queen took the time out of her busy queen-like schedule to give an interview on the BBC’s The Graham Norton Show in defense of Andrew and state that they are sort of-kind of working in conjunction remotely with the FBI and American police.
“My boy, he a good boy,” the Queen mom told Graham Norton with her son Prince Andrew by her side. “My boy was just minding his own damn business on his way to donate some money to a church charity when that nasty ole Epstein fella came up to him and tried to get my boy to go with him to some crazy ass island, or something.”
She added that perhaps her son is being racially profiled and targeted by typical racist, violent, gun-happy American police officers.
Her Majesty went on to say that even though His Royal Highness knew Epstein and may have hung out with him once or twice or maybe even hundreds of times, her son didn’t know anything about his crimes and that she has photo proof that the prince didn’t partake in Epstein’s bad behavior.
The Queen showed Graham Norton a photo of Prince Andrew and Epstein inside of his home where her son was followed by Epstein. It shows the prince turning down a cigarette that was being offered to him by the bad influence Epstein, who committed suicide recently.
Once U.S. authorities saw the photo of Epstein and Andrew, they put out their own statement saying that the photo was sufficient proof that the prince had nothing to do with the sex trafficker or his crimes, island, airplane, or the numerous photos of them together online and that they will be focusing their attention on more pressing issues like President Donald Trump‘s ties to Russia.
