WASHINGTON– Democratic presidential hopeful and former Native American Sen. Elizabeth Warren has been making headlines this week after making another outrageous claim regarding her ancestry by claiming that she’s definitely related to six of her Democrat presidential candidate rivals.
While on The Maury Show, Warren told fellow former Native American host Maury Povich that she was sorry for claiming in the past that she was an American Indian and also apologized for letting the country believe that she was a person of color in an effort to receive special treatment.
“I have listened and I have learned a lot, Maury,” Warren told the turtleneck-wearing host after coming out onto the stage to a mixed response from the audience. “And I’m grateful for all the times President Donald Trump called me ‘Pocahontas’, which forced me to finally come clean and to tell the world the truth once and for all.”
“And that’s why you’re here today, Elizabeth?” Maury asked the Senator as he licked his wrinkled lips and stared at an alcohol flask inside her pocket. “You’re here to finally tell the truth, not lie to the American people this time?”
“That’s right, Maury,” Warren added as she took a deep breath and smiled for the camera. “I have recently discovered after taking my second DNA test to prove my Native American ancestry that I am in fact related to six of my Democrat presidential candidate rivals.”
Warren went on to say that her recent DNA test revealed that she is related to Sen. Bernie Sanders, former Texas Rep. Beto O’Rourke, former Vice President Joe Biden, Sen. Kamala Harris, Rep. Tulsi Gabbard, and Andrew Yang. She also stated that she is telling the truth this time and that this new revelation makes her the ideal candidate, being that she is like seven presidential candidates rolled into one.
The news of Warren’s ancestry didn’t sit well with many politicians, including Democratic presidential hopeful Sen. Cory Booker who sent out a Twitter tweet saying that the DNA test was racist for not including him.
Once Warren revealed the earth-shattering news of her newfound heritage, the dumbfounded audience remained silent before stagehands held up signs informing them that it was time to start clapping.
With the audience now yelping and cat-calling, Maury whipped out a large white envelope and waved it in front of Elizabeth’s stunned face.
“Do you know what this is?” Maury asked the befuddled Democrat guest as he used the envelope to fan her down. “A certain politician who shall remain nameless, and it’s definitely not Trump, gave us a sample of your DNA and we ran our own tests and here are the results.”
“I wasn’t aware of this,” Warren said nervously as Sanders, O’Rourke, Biden, Harris, Gabbard, and Yang came out onto the stage to hear the news.
“As for your fellow Democrats,” Maury started to say, “you are all NOT the relatives!”
After the six Democrats high-fived each other as they left the stage, Warren broke down into tears and admitted that maybe she had read her second DNA test results incorrectly.
“I have listened and I have learned a lot, Maury,” Warren reiterated, now smiling. “And I promise when I get home I will be taking another DNA test and will be reading it live on Twitter as I drink a beer and dance with my husband Barry. I mean Bruce.”
UPDATE: After this article was written, it was reported that Warren took yet another DNA test and she claims the results show that she is in fact related to Estella Warren, Lesley Ann Warren, Warren Buffett, Warren Beatty, former president Warren G. Harding, and city Warren, Michigan.
