PM Mark Carney Burns Down Canada’s Forests To Prevent Any Future Wildfires
CANADA-- In what some experts are calling a radical new strategy to combat Canada's perennial wildfire crisis, Prime Minister Mark Carney announced that he has intentionally started burning all Canadian…
CNN: Why Weren’t There Any White People Present To Stop Chicago Shooting In Black Neighborhood?
U.S.-- In a groundbreaking primetime special last night, CNN anchor Jake Tapper posed a serious question to his audience of five people that he declared "a nation is afraid to…
Canadian Police Arrest Lawless Squirrel For Defying Hiking Ban In Nova Scotia
NOVA SCOTIA, CANADA-- As part of Canada's environmental initiative to prevent wildfires, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police have apprehended a rogue squirrel in Nova Scotia for brazenly violating the province's…
Trump Watches ‘Rocky IV’ In Preparation For Upcoming Alaska Meeting With Putin
WASHINGTON-- In preparation for his upcoming high-stakes summit with Russian President Vladimir Putin, President Donald Trump has revealed he has been binge-watching the 1985 classic movie Rocky IV as a way…
Democrats Accuse Trump’s Census of Stealing Seats They Rightfully Stole
WASHINGTON-- In a fiery press conference after storming Capitol Hill yesterday, incensed House Democrats accused President Donald Trump of "stealing" congressional seats they claim were "rightfully won illegally" through his…
Liberals Rush To Inject As Many Vaccines As Possible Before RFK Jr. Bans Them
U.S.-- Following the announcement that Health Secretary RFK Jr. was terminating the contracts on mRNA vaccines, frantic liberals across the nation began storming pharmacies, clinics, and pop-up vaccine tents to…
Exasperated China Builds Massive Air Fresheners Along India Border
TSONA, CHINA-- Growing tired of having to constantly wear face masks or hold their noses, the Peoples Republic of China has recently unveiled the world's largest air fresheners, towering 500-foot…
Trump Forced To Do His Own Roofing Work After Deporting All The Illegal Aliens
WASHINGTON-- After deporting so many illegal aliens that there wasn't anyone left to do all of the manual labor jobs, President Donald Trump was apparently left with no other choice…
Keir Starmer Attempts To Improve Abysmal Public Image By Appearing In Playboy
UK-- In a desperate bid to revamp his abysmal public image, UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer has graced the pages of this month's iconic Playboy magazine for men in a…
Mike Johnson Visits Israel To Meet With His Constituents
JERUSALEM, ISRAEL-- House Speaker Mike Johnson touched down in Israel this week for his sixth "constituent visit" of the month so far, declaring that his real loyalties aren't with the…
Africans Go Thirsty After Rain Dance Fails To Invoke Well Water
KENYA, AFRICA-- Thousands of Africans in a remote village in Kenya were left with extreme thirst after an elaborate rain dance failed to invoke water from a $300,000 water well provided…
Republicans Propose Grueling 7-Day Work-Year Schedule For Congress
WASHINGTON-- In an astonishing display of ambition, Congressional Republicans have introduced a demanding new proposal to force lawmakers into a relentless 7-day work-year schedule, a move they describe as a…
