Walmart Cuts 2.2 Million Jobs, Replaces Workers With Mannequins
BENTONVILLE, ARKANSAS-- In light of Walmart recently performing as the best stock in the Dow Jones Industrial Average in 2020 and also coming off of its greatest revenue in history…
U.S. To Send 8 Million More Troops To Iraq To Get Kitty Down From Tree
BAGHDAD, IRAQ-- The United States has agreed to deploy 8 million additional troops to Iraq and send 100 extra battle tanks to get a scared kitten out of a tree…
Charismatic Preacher Heals Leopard Of Its Spots
MANILA, PHILIPPINES-- In what countless people are calling nothing less than a miracle, 39 year old Filipino charismatic preacher Reverend Homobono Andrada has cured a leopard of a normally terminal affliction known as spots.…
Famous Runway Model Dies After Eating
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA-- The fashion world is in mourning today after a world famous runway model died from eating food. Bizarre 23 year old runway model Ima Slutsky, better known in fashion…
Nicolas Cage Wanted For Impersonating An Actor
HOLLYWOOD-- In a lengthy one sentence memo sent out by the Federal Bureau of Investigation, better known as the F.B.I., B-list celebrity Nicolas Cage is wanted for impersonating a real…
Dentist Claims Toothbrush Is A Misnomer
BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA-- A world renowned dentist out of Beverly Hills, California has come out with the shocking revelation that a toothbrush is not a toothbrush at all, but rather…
United States Sells State Of Wyoming To Thailand
CHEYENNE, WYOMING-- In a move meant to bolster relations with Thailand and also to help pay off some of the debt to China, the United States government has sold the…
World’s First Tri-Sexual Being Heralded As Hero
SENECA, NEW YORK-- The world's first living tri-sexual was created this week at the Southpaw Center for Ambulatory Surgery, thus surpassing transgender people in advancement and popularity. The world's first…
Massive Earthquake In Russia Kills People’s Mood
SAROV, RUSSIA-- The catastrophic earthquake that hit the large farming town of Sarov, Russia on Friday, has totally killed hundreds of people's moods and the mood-kill toll is expected to…
Humpty Dumpty Sues King’s Men For Botched Surgery
LOOKING GLASS, ENGLAND-- Nursery rhyme star Humpty Dumpty is suing the King of England and all the King's Men for 100 million pounds for a botched surgery performed by all…
Benjamin Netanyahu Converts To Islam, Promotes Peace
TEL AVIV, ISRAEL-- In a last-ditch effort to promote peace in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, Jewish Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has officially converted to Islam and now goes by the name…
Latest Fad: Young People Trying To Look Like Senior Citizens
PLANO, TEXAS-- Teenagers across the country are flocking to their local retailers to purchase a new skin cream called Geezer Gook that guarantees to age your appearance by decades in…
