Congress Passes Toilet Paper Recycle Bill
WASHINGTON-- On Friday, the U.S. Congress passed the biggest and most controversial bill in twenty years, a bill that was able to get bipartisan support due to the current toilet…
Woman Jailed For Beating A Dead Horse
SEATTLE, WASHINGTON-- Animal rights groups are outraged after hearing the shocking news that a 21 year old woman was arrested on charges of beating a dead horse earlier this morning…
Scientists Invent Pill That Turns People Gay
RANGOON, BURMA-- With all the world watching in anticipation, scientists at the Mae Tao Clinic in Burma have recently invented a pill that guarantees to turn anyone gay, despite numerous…
Feminist Protests Feminism, Says It’s Too Masculine
PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA-- A 58 year old, self-identified anti-feminist feminist has been camped out in front of the Philadelphia Feminist Works building for the last three months in protest of the…
Anonymous Group Hacks Elton John’s Pacemaker
PARTS UNKNOWN-- Secretive hacker group Anonymous has recently uploaded another video to YouTube, this time stating that they have successfully hacked Elton John's pacemaker and are controlling him through infinitely…
Mexico Thwarts Trump’s Plan, Builds Wall First
MEXICO CITY, MEXICO-- In a real life cat and mouse game taking place in front of the entire world, the Mexican government has confirmed that they are already in the…
Cat Dies After Overdosing On Catnip
DANDER, MICHIGAN--A three year old short-haired cat died suddenly today from overdosing on a large amount of tainted catnip that he had purchased from a local catnip dealer in an…
New Baby Boy Band Latest Craze
MIAMI, FLORIDA-- A new boy band out of Miami, Florida named Crib Boys has been scorching the music charts with their latest release From The Crib, selling more than 30…
Comcast Raises Prices To Pay For CEO’s Hair Plugs
PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA-- Comcast customers were shocked when they opened their latest bills and saw a personal message from Comcast CEO Brian L. Roberts stating that Comcast will be raising prices…
Honest Politicians Put On Endangered Species List
ZURICH, SWITZERLAND-- In a study done by the World Political Wildlife organization based in Zurich, Switzerland, honest politicians are becoming increasingly rare and in response, the WPW has placed all…
Obese Man Fired For Fat-Shaming
ROANOKE, VIRGINIA-- A thirty-four year old obese man from Roanoke was terminated Tuesday from his job at Arby's restaurant for making crude and uncomfortable fat jokes toward the appearance of another…
Porn Star Does World’s First 5 Million Gangbang (NSFW)
DONETSK, UKRAINE-- It may have taken less than three hours to complete, but the beautiful and very brave porn star known as Lusty Lips has performed the world's first 5 million men…
