Feminist Protests Feminism, Says It’s Too Masculine

PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA– A 58 year old, self-identified anti-feminist feminist has been camped out in front of the Philadelphia Feminist Works building for the last three months in protest of the feminist movement, which she calls the “most disgusting display of masculinity” she’s ever seen.

Speaking to CNN news reporter Dana Bash in front of a large white tent, anti-feminist feminist Mary Bushwhacker of Cohoes, New York, said that the feminist movement is the biggest sham in history and that it has done nothing but hurt the real hardcore feminist movement, which doesn’t want equal rights with men and also seeks to distance itself from anything manly or even feminist.

“Those fools in there are a buncha frauds,” Bushwhacker told Bash after stepping out of her tent and pointing back at the Feminist building behind her. “Most of these feminists today are a buncha men in women’s clothing, spending all their time figuring out how they’re gonna compete with men and be equal with men and integrate themselves in the man’s world. Well, I’m here to tell ya, Dana, I don’t want any part of it.”

Dana Bash pulled her red suit jacket closed and pressed Bushwhacker for more details. “How can you call yourself a feminist and champion for women’s rights when all you want to do is distance yourself from everything women’s rights stands for and just give it up to men? Isn’t that counterproductive?”

“The only real feminist is a woman that’s prepared to make sacrifices,” said Bushwhacker before screaming through the fence and throwing used condoms into the yard. “You don’t know how many times I caught these so-called feminists smacking each other on the ass, playing tackle football and whistling at pretty girls as they walked by a construction site. If that doesn’t sound like a man to you, then I don’t know what does.”

The self-identified anti-feminist feminist just wants to get her message out to the world that the feminist movement is doomed to fail. “I started my own movement, going around the country preaching against feminism. My group’s called Concerned Ladies Against Masculine Sisters, C.L.A.M.S. for short. Right now I’m the only member, but I think I’m starting to get through to a few of these ladies. Only time will tell.”