MEXICO CITY, MEXICO– In a real life cat and mouse game taking place in front of the entire world, the Mexican government has confirmed that they are already in the process of building a 2,000 foot long wall to separate Mexico from the United States, thwarting presidential candidate Donald Trump’s idea of doing it first.
According to a statement put out by Mexican president Enrique Peña Nieto and broadcast live on every news station within a 100 yard radius, Mexico has decided to up the ante in response to Trump’s call for the United States to build a wall along the southern border and have Mexico pay for it.
“In answer to Senor Trump’s demand for El Wall,” Nieto said irately as he pounded his particle board desk, “the Mexicano government has decided to build a wall first and it will be the worst wall anyone has ever seen, with mucho graffiti and our finest prostitutes working its corners. And guess what? America’s not going to be paying for this wall either.
“I challenge Senor Trump to a duel,” Nieto added, reaching under his desk and exposing an antique machete to the camera. “And whoever loses El duel will have their hair given to a charity of their choice. Of course, my charity of choice will be the ‘Illegal Alien Victims Sent To America Then Sent Back To Mexico’ which has a staggering five victims.”
With the Mexican government calling Trump’s bluff, there’s no telling what the shrewd businessman will do. At a rally in Houston, Texas, Trump was tight-lipped regarding his rebuttal toward President Nieto.
“I’m not showing my cards just yet,” Trump told a crowd of 60,000 screaming supporters. “I can’t tell Mexico what I’m gonna do, then it’s not gonna be a surprise. You need unpredictability when you’re dealing with these kinds of scumbags. Trust me, folks, I have a deal and it’s gonna be a beautiful, sexy deal. The only thing I’ll say right now is that it involves building a bigger and better wall right on top of Mexico’s wall. This wall will reach up higher than Babylon and yours truly will be the first guy up there raining down justice.”
Offering up his valuable opinion on the matter, Pope Francis stated that Trump’s plan to build a wall on top of Mexico’s wall and then calling it Babylon is not Christian.
“Forgive me for sticking my three cents in,” Pope Francis told Italia-69 news reporters from Vatican headquarters. “But we need to be tearing down walls, not building walls on top of walls. How’re we ever going to come together as a world and implement our new world order if we keep building walls. It’s not very Christian.”
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