KIEV, UKRAINE– The tide has turned in favor of Ukraine when hundreds of Russian tanks were reported to have been brought to a standstill after getting stuck within the billions and billions of US dollars that have been sent over to President Volodymyr Zelesnky by the United States Congress.
Millions of people cheered once they heard the news that the war in Ukraine has taken its toll on Vladimir Putin’s army due to the extremely excessive amount of US currency that has been piling up all over the Ukrainian streets.
“You see, we told you it was a good idea to keep sending over billions of dollars of US taxpayer dollars to Ukraine every other day” said President Joe Biden as he ordered another $900 trillion to be sent to Ukraine to finish off Putin. “And all those MAGA Republicans kept accusing us honest politicians of laundering all that money. Guess you owe us an apology, Jack!”
A jubilant President Zelensky gave an emergency news conference from the war-torn jacuzzi of his $69 million mansion and urged all Americans to keep sending over more money, otherwise the Russian tanks just might pull themselves out of all those ten-foot high piles of green cash.
“Now is not the time to get complacent,” said Zelensky while throwing a few million dollars on his front lawn to protect him from the Russian army. “It’s only a matter of time before the Russian tanks break free from the cash, which is why I’m calling on the American Congress to keep sending money over until the tanks become totally immobile.”
At publishing time, it was reported that a few Russian tanks had somehow made it out of the thick wads of cash, forcing Zelensky to begin dropping all his gold chains across the main road into Kiev as a rudimentary blockade.
