DANDER, MICHIGAN–A three year old short-haired cat died suddenly today from overdosing on a large amount of tainted catnip that he had purchased from a local catnip dealer in an alleyway off of Main Street in the Feline District of Dander.
According to police, the victim Meowser escaped through a dog door of his owners home on Tinkle Avenue where he made his way over to a seedier part of Main Street to meet up with a known catnip and meth dealer named Scratches.
“Meowser was seen multiple times in the vicinity of known high catnip areas,” Dander Chief of police Jeff Holmes told reporters in front of the alleyway where a stiff Meowser was being shoved into a black trash-bag. “According to witnesses, the victim was seen purchasing a small baggie of what was presumed to be catnip in an effort to get high, but apparently the drug was laced with a substance that felines are allergic to. We sent a sample of the catnip to our lab, but we’ll have to wait for toxicology reports to come back to verify what the substance is that killed Meowser.
“Our crime lab surmises that the catnip was cut with lilies,” Holmes added, shocking even the hard-nosed officer. “Our veterinarian on duty has informed us that felines have a low tolerance for lilies, so any high dosages injected right into the bloodstream would prove fatal.”
A memorial service for Meowser is planned for next Thursday at 9 AM in the Dander city trash pit where Meowser’s corpse will be chucked into a trash heap for hungry seagulls to rip apart.
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Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars