Breathing Deemed Bad For The Environment, Says EPA
WASHINGTON-- The United States Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) just released a statement saying that breathing is bad for the environment and that a breathing curfew is set to start every…
City Of Detroit Accidentally Puts Xanax In Water Supply, Crime Down By Almost 100%
DETROIT, MICHIGAN-- A major mix-up happened in Detroit last week when the city water company mistakenly dumped bags of anxiety drug Xanax into the water supply instead of the usual…
Man Files Restraining Order Against His Own Shadow
BENTON, IDAHO-- A Benton man has filed a restraining order against his own shadow, claiming that the alleged stalker has been following him around everywhere he goes, especially on sunny…
Highly Intelligent Criminal Wanted For A String Of Grab And Smashes
TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA-- A man is being sought in connection with at least nine grab-and-smashes over the past two months in the Tallahassee area, authorities said. Police are baffled by the…
After 35 Years Wife Realizes Husband Is Mute
CINCINNATI, OHIO-- If silence is golden then one wife's husband takes the record. Jill Young says that it took her 35 years to finally realize that her husband Henry is…
Stop Signs To Be Remodeled After Hurting Too Many People’s Feelings
NEW YORK, NEW YORK-- The ubiquitous stop sign is set to be remodeled due to government officials being inundated with complaints from numerous groups around the country who claim that the red road…
New Poll Says Chicken Tastes Like Chicken
DOVER, DELAWARE-- A new poll recently released out of the Dover Polling Institute says that most people believe that chicken tastes like chicken, leading many skeptics to try eating chicken for the…
Chris Christie Comes Out With Own Clothing Line
TRENTON, NEW JERSEY-- Former presidential candidate and New Jersey governor Chris Christie recently came out with his own line of fleeces called Chris Wear, which is already in production and…
Man Impaled After Taking Bull By The Horns
DALLAS, TEXAS-- A Dallas man was rushed to the emergency room this morning after listening to a friend's advice to take the bull by the horns. Billy Roscoe, 28, suffered…
Sperm Banks Lower Interest Rates To Counter Low Donations
NEW YORK, NEW YORK-- U.S. sperm banks have recently lowered interest rates and state that more policy initiatives lie ahead, citing a U.S. slowdown of donations. As sperm banks desperately try…
Skinny Dipping Is Discriminatory, Says Fat Rights Group
MIAMI, FLORIDA-- A fat rights group out of Florida is calling on Washington to do away with the term "skinny dipping", which they say is discriminatory toward obese people. The…
California Is The First State To Require ID Cards For Dogs
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA-- The state of California recently passed a new law that requires pet owners to get identification cards for their dogs due to the extreme influx of illegal…
