If You Forget To Do This One Thing You’ll Die
SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH-- Experts at the Salt Lake City Medical Center are urgently warning people to make sure that they don't forget to breathe or else they'll die. Hospitals across…
New Salon Uses Gardening Tools To Cut Customers Hair
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA-- A new hip, chic salon recently opened up in an affluent section of Los Angeles that uses gardening tools to style people's hair and is running advertisements on home…
China Purchases Checkers Restaurant In Major Deal
TAMPA, FLORIDA-- A major deal was made today between the Checkers restaurant organization and China, which means yet another American company has sold its proverbial soul to World China. According…
First Squirrel Ever Appointed As Mayor Of Boston
BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS-- Boston's first squirrel was appointed as mayor of Boston on Monday by an overwhelming majority and the new mayor plans to do the complete opposite of his predecessor,…
Bernie Sanders Forgets Which Country He’s Campaigning For
SANTA FE, NEW MEXICO-- Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders made a minor flub today while giving a speech in Santa Fe, saying that although he can't remember which country he's running for,…
Man Ruptures Colon In Farting Contest
PUZZA, INDIANA-- A 21 year old college student was taken to the emergency room today for a ruptured colon after a flatulence contest went afoul. According to ABC News, Puzza University…
Name-Calling Lands Teen In Hospital
PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND-- A teen girl from Providence was taken to the emergency room Sunday after several other girls started calling her names and making fun of her, disproving the…
Police Shoot Clown For Honking His Nose
FUNSTOWN, NEW YORK-- A circus clown who had walked through a residential neighborhood in full clown makeup while honking his big red nose was shot and killed by police, according to the…
New Racist Dating Site Gets Over One Million Members In Less Than A Month
LYNCHBURG, VIRGINIA-- Dating just got even more hateful. Racist Date, a newly launched free dating site marketed strictly for racists, has reached over one million members and the numbers keep…
Shocking: You’ll Never Guess What Happened After This Photo Was Taken
RUST, GERMANY-- An extremely shocking thing happened at the world-famous Europa Park in Rust on Thursday. A group of children were riding in one of the attraction's water rides when something…
This One Trick Will Drive Beautiful Women Crazy
DALLAS, TEXAS-- After 20 years of study, researchers at the Dallas Study Center came up with one surefire method that men can use that's guaranteed to drive beautiful women crazy. This secret…
Kim Kardashian Gets Horse Head Transplant To Boost Ratings
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA-- In an effort to boost sagging ratings for her faltering reality show, Kim Kardashian recently had a horse head transplant procedure performed live on camera, with millions of…
