Gun Uses Man To Kill 20 Guns In Mass Punching

SOUTHPAW, ARIZONA– Twenty guns were killed yesterday and many others were damaged by a man-wielding gun in a human-free zone, police said.

Punches erupted in the parking lot of the Southpaw Yoga Center at 9:30 a.m. Saturday as a group of guns were finishing their morning yoga practice.

Witnesses heard hundreds of punches echoing everywhere. Many guns claimed that it sounded like a Kung Fu movie being played somewhere in the background.

“I thought it was some kinda movie,” said an unidentified gun, describing the gun who was using the man to kill the other guns. “I saw guns dropping down to the ground everywhere. My second thought was that they were on fire and they were doing the stop, drop, and roll technique.”

Officers arrived at the Yoga Center and found several guns suffering from life-threatening injuries and another dozen with minor damage.

Police identified the puncher as an AK-47 rifle, 7. The rifle died at the scene after police kicked the gun several times, eventually killing it.

“This’s why all humans should be banned,” said an irate gun to reporters as his barrel smoked. “We need human control. There’s no telling how many gun lives could’ve been saved if we had stricter human laws.”

Saturday’s killings comes just three weeks after another lone mangun fatally punched 36 guns at a knife bar in Franklinville, which was one of the deadliest mass punches in history.